Whipped Cream Difficulties

Sigh. Election day, and TMQ day. But before we begin, how about a diversion?

After the jump…

“Get out and vote!” 262 words down. WCD is not going to recap all the arguments against voting; indeed, we voted early ourselves, and we think voting may possibly make some sense for local races and ballot propositions. We’ve observed previously that we preferred the old punch card ballots to the new machines, because they made voting an enjoyable task; we’d go to the polls, and every time we made a punch, we’d say (under our breath, so as not to disturb other voters) “You’re going down in flames, you tax-fattened hyena!” Somehow, that doesn’t seem as fitting with the new electronic machines, but we still say that occasionally.

(Speaking of tax-fattened hyenas and voting, if you live in Indiana and haven’t voted yet, we encourage you to vote against State Supreme Court Justice Steven H. David.)

TMQ’s “And if you don’t vote today, promise never, ever to complain about anyone in office, any laws they enact or anyone they place on the courts” bothers us, though. People who have lost their voting rights, people under the age of 18, people who aren’t citizens, should forfeit the right to complain about decisions and decision makers? Really, TMQ?

Sweet: Houston – Buffalo. Sour: Titans – Bears, Tampa – Oakland. Mixed: Steelers (TMQ thinks the call on Roethlisberger’s turnover was wrong).

Creep.

“Has there ever been a talented team as messed up as the Eagles?” We’re pretty sure there has been one, Gregg. The 2012 New Orleans Saints may be slightly less messed up that the Eagles; we’d have to think about that. Feel free to place other possibilities in comments.

Oh, Ghu. Another cosmic thought from TMQ. “Just think of the notion — that mammals at least somewhat similar to you and me began walking our world 10 million years ago.” Sorry, Gregg, but we’re not really boggled by that.

Bruce Arians, the Pittsburgh Steelers designated scapegoat, is 4-1 with the Colts.

TMQ calls for the end of the Electoral College.

The Constitution was written to have average people represented in the House, via direct election; the landed gentry represented in the Senate, with senators chosen by state legislatures it was assumed the well-off would control; and presidents chosen by councils of electors isolated from what Thomas Jefferson called “the passions” of the illiterate masses.

You say that like it is a bad thing, TMQ.

Maybe that was the right call in 1789. But then, average people were uneducated. Today literacy is universal, and nearly everyone has some education.

Sorry, Gregg. Were you saying something?

Because of the anachronistic Electoral College, issues that matter in battleground states — coal use in Ohio and Pennsylvania, anti-Castro sentiment in Florida — get more attention during elections than issues involving much larger numbers of people, such as the quality of public education in California and Texas.

The president of the United States does not have a goddamned thing to do with the quality of public education in California and Texas, Gregg. That is a local issue for local education officials, and not something the president can, or should, be involved with.

Yes, popular vote would make big cities more important than rural states — but big cities are more important than rural states, and at any rate, the composition of the Senate adjusts for small-state concerns.

TMQ’s attitude of “big cities are more important than rural states” is exactly why we support the Electoral College; because, we believe, it serves as an important check on the ability of places like New York and Los Angeles to influence the nation. And if TMQ really believes big cities are more important than rural states, we wish him luck feeding his lame ass.

We could support TMQ’s proposal for direct elections, as long as there was meaningful voter reform. Specifically, before we supported the elimination of the Electoral College in favor of a popular vote, we’d want to see a requirement for proof of identity at the polls, as well as limiting voting to property owners or people able to pass an intelligence test (we’ve always liked Heinlein’s idea of making voters solve a quadratic equation before voting). We believe that these ideas could, and should, be implemented in a race-neutral fashion; past abuses by the ignorant and unscrupulous do not discredit them.

Wacky disclaimer. Chicken-<salad> kicks: Arizona, Buffalo.

We recommend reading TMQ’s voicemail item in a Jerry Seinfeld voice. That might improve it. Slightly.

“San Diego-Kansas City was a terrible game.”

Why do the Patriots have trouble drafting defensive players?

In addition to the bad Steelers call, the officials also botched the DeAngelo Williams call in the Carolina-Redskins game, and missed a call on Donald Driver in the Green Bay game. At least, that’s what TMQ thinks.

Sea levels are steadily rising, while Bloomberg and Christie do nothing.

One reason Christie and Bloomberg may have done nothing to protect New York’s and New Jersey’s low-lying land against storm surge is that if they’d taken precautions, they would have had to cover the tab themselves. If they sit on their hands and then disaster strikes, the federal government will swoop in, billing the repair cost to people who live in other states, while issuing federal funny money that local politicians can steal from.

But, Gregg! Those people in other states are less important than people in New York City! We should all be willing to pitch in and cover the cost of reinforcing NYC and New Jersey against storm surges! Isn’t that the way our system should be; people in big cities voting for people in rural areas to subsidize them?

“Friday, Pulaski finished its regular season 8-2, winning the first seed in its conference.”

But who did they play, Gregg? (The Jacksonville Red Devils. You’re welcome.)

Punt, no punt, no punt, no punt.

“On the day Reagan took office, federal taxes were too high. They are not anymore.” So we should all thank the federal government for holding a gun to our heads and taking less of our money than it did in the Carter era? TMQ doesn’t want us complaining about politicians if we didn’t vote, and doesn’t want us complaining about federal taxes. What can we complain about, TMQ? Perhaps Easterbrook will be good enough to let us know in a future column.

Oregon and the Blur Offense, again. Well, actually, this is the first time this season TMQ’s covered that, so we’ll give him this one.

During the marathon, I posed this question to Willis: If you could change one thing about football, what would you change? I thought he might say something like reduce concussions or eliminate public subsidies. Instead his answer: “Man, I would outlaw the cut block.”

Because pro football players are famous for subtle, nuanced answers to questions.

Once again, TMQ engages in out-of-context harping about the Texas high-school football playoff system. “In my state, Maryland, an 8-2 school and eight others that just finished 7-3 are shutting it down, having missed the playoffs. Last year in Texas, Taft High made the playoffs at 3-7.” Yes, Gregg, and what are some other differences between Maryland and Texas? Also, what does TMQ have against extending the season and letting players have more fun, even if their team is 3-7?

“…when a major college team wins in the week before a presidential election, an incumbent receives a slight vote boost”. We’re growing increasingly skeptical of all these “indicators”.

Sportsmanship: Denver, Green Bay, and Pittsburgh haz it.

Reader mail: high-mileage diesels.

Knox 63, Lawrence 42. Doane 55, Dordt 6.

“Next Week: Who do you like for president in 2016?” WCD believes we do not need a president; allow us to toss our hat into the ring for philosopher king in 2016. Our first official act will be to extradite Eric Holder to Mexico. Our second official act will be to have everyone involved with “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” flogged. In public.

Admit it; if you’re going to be ruled, we’re the sensible choice.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2012 at 2:51 pm and is filed under NFL, Politics, Sarcasm, Sports, TMQ watch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.