Whipped Cream Difficulties

Before we jump into this week’s column, here’s a totally inappropriate 80’s flashback for you.

You’re welcome. After the jump…

“Maybe the pendulum has swung too far and it’s time to tweak rules to favor defense.” Mmmmmmmmmm. Maybe. We need to give that some thought. Who doesn’t like a high-scoring game?

“Had Green Bay lost consecutive games to officiating errors, verily the football gods would have waxed wroth.” The football gods? Gregg, if Green Bay had lost consecutive games to officiating errors, we would still be reading about a city on fire and the Wisconsin National Guard shooting looters. Also, is TMQ suggesting that the holding call against the Saints was bogus, and a “makeup call” for a previous error? We didn’t watch all of the game, but we saw that call in replay, and it sure looked like holding to us.

“On ‘Monday Night Football,’ Tony Romo threw more touchdown passes to Chicago players than to Dallas players.” Giggle. Snort.

Sweet: St. Louis – Seattle. Sour: Arizona – Miami. Both: Atlanta – Carolina.

This week, TMQ actually tells us who Pulaski Academy played: West Helena, who they beat 43-8.

Your federal government spent two years and $34 million to redo the reflecting pool between the Washington and Lincoln monuments. Which is now filled with algae. The people who run the D.C. transit system are taking eight months and $12 million to replace two escalators; that includes “two months of full staffing for ‘adjustment’ of the escalators. And the extension of the subway system out to Dulles is estimated at $296 million per mile.

The disheartening part is that neither Democrats nor Republicans in Washington seem to care. The public be damned! And we’ve only ourselves to blame since next month, practically every politician involved in the mismanagement of public money will be re-elected.

We’re still holding out hopes for an Easterbrookian conversion to libertarianism. Or even anarcho-capitalism.

Those crazy kids! Sexual activity is declining, and alcohol consumption is relatively stable (even if the kids don’t spend enough time drinking in dive bars, and are getting totally blasted on hard liquor). We’re actually glad that TMQ pointed out the NYT story; we missed that when it first ran, though we did catch the correction and follow-ups. We’re thinking that story may be a candidate for Dumbest Article Printed In a Large Circulation Publication In 2012.

(Speaking of that, we’ve made an executive decision: entire TMQ columns are not eligible, but individual items in TMQ columns may be nominated for the Dumbest Article Printed In a Large Circulation Publication In 2012 award. A link to the TMQ column, and TMQ’s headline for the dumb item, is sufficient.)

“The Packers are living on borrowed time with no experienced backup to Rodgers.” You know who they could get to fix that problem?

Ow! Damn it! That hurt! Stop throwing things!

This week, TMQ has forgotten that Liam Neeson has a very particular set of skills; skills acquired over a very long career. Skills that let him walk out of airports and fly home. (Plus, he’s in France. Please, cheese-eating surrender monkeys are going to pose an obstacle for him?)

In a Pistol, the quarterback is in the shotgun but it’s a short shotgun closer to the center than a true shotgun, while running backs form a letter “L” around him.

Huh?

“Sooners coach Bob Stoops does not keep his promises.” Duly noted.

Creep. “Considering these moves, the Carson Palmer trade and other transactions, the Raiders had no first- or third-round choice in 2011, no first- or second-round choice in 2012 and will lack either a first- or second-round selection in 2013.”

TMQ is back on the “abolish the penny” bandwagon. “So why does the penny endure? The zinc lobby profits from the penny.” The zinc lobby? Tell us, Gregg, you didn’t write “the zinc lobby” with a straight face. We beg you.

Here, The New York Times treats as shocking that an unmarried yoga instructor had “a penchant for women” and liked “partying and fun.” Man likes women — arrest him! The unmarried instructor faces “accusations of sexual impropriety,” which means “yoga’s enlightened façade” is tainted by “scandal.” And the scandal is what? That unmarried adults are having consensual sex. This “penchant” must be stopped — it can lead to fun.

With all due respect, Gregg, we think the scandal is not just “unmarried adults are having consensual sex”, but that a guru – someone in a position of power and authority – was exploiting that power and authority to persuade women to engage in sex with him. The history of the San Francisco Zen Center might be instructive here. (We concede that Baker and at least some of his lovers were married. We still believe that, even if everyone involved is unmarried, sex between “gurus” and students raises uncomfortable power issues. We think the followers of John Friend are right to question his behavior, and believe they deserve better than to be dismissed as “prudes” by TMQ.)

Hey, Buffalo Bills. (We’re always happy to see TMQ bash Buffalo, our pick as “most constantly overrated NFL team”.)

“Having almost everyone in high school aspire to college is much more important to society than small score declines, which don’t translate to much anyway.” Why, Gregg? We know it sounds like writing some people off, but we don’t believe that everyone in high school needs to go to college. There’s plenty of room for tradespeople. The idea that everyone in high school should aspire to college, as we see it, leads to colleges full of the unmotivated, unprepared, and unwilling to work. It also leads to the “special snowflake” syndrome, students who demand “A” grades because they’re paying for school, student loan debt, and heartbreak. You can always go to college later.

“Maybe Minnesota is on the comeback trail.” Speaking of consistently overrated teams…

“The obvious move for defensive coordinators is to leave Little uncovered and hope Brandon Weeden throws to him.” It hurts, because the Browns are 0-4, and our relatives are suffering.

Reader mail: lots of examples of kneel-down fumbles, Schiano is playing aggressive ball so why does TMQ have such a problem with his tactics, “an attempt to attack an offer of sportsmanship is in my opinion extremely unprofessional”, and Romney can file amended returns after the election.

Adrian 24, Hope 0. Presbyterian 28, Davidson 13.

Single worst play of the season – so far: Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans.

Next week, we’re looking forward to hearing TMQ explain how unrealistic it is for Kevin James to become an MMA fighter in order to impress Salma Hayek. This is a position we agree with: we think Salma would be more impressed if he went on a Liam Neeson-style rampage through France hunting for the men who took his daughter. But, you know, played for comic effect. Call it “Tooken”, and invite us to the ceremony when it sweeps the Academy Awards in 2015.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012 at 3:30 pm and is filed under Clippings, Movies, NFL, Sports, TMQ watch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.