We are having trouble coming up with a clever introduction for this week’s TMQ, so let’s just jump right into the NFC preview, shall we?
Kevin Kelley, head coach of Pulaski Academy in Little Rock, Arkansas, doesn’t punt. You can now skip the first 921 words of this week’s TMQ, unless you are obsessed with Pulaski Academy or share TMQ’s obsession with not punting on fourth down.
Speaking of being obsessed with Pulaski Academy:
Oh, thank Ghu. We were wondering what stupid recurring item would replace “Christmas Creep”, and now we know.
As we did last week, we are not going to go through every team in Easterbrook’s NFC preview, but just highlight items we think are interesting or relevant. Honestly, we have trouble working up an iota of care about Arizona, Atlanta, or Carolina.
Creep. Actually, we didn’t know Google was discontinuing iGoogle. Our mother relies on iGoogle, so we have until November 2013 to come up with a solution to that problem. (We are not surprised, though, since Google seems to be doing everything possible to drive people to Google+, home of the chirping crickets.)
We listened to Bryan Griffin singing “Bear Down Chicago Bears”. Mr. Griffin is certainly a talented musician, but if “Bear Down Chicago Bears” is, as TMQ claims, “pro football’s best fight song”, that makes the answer to his question (“Few NFL teams have fight songs — why not?”) self-evident.
We applaud TMQ’s tribute to Derek Sheely, as well as his continuing to hammer on the concussion issue, and his continuing to point out that concussions aren’t just an NFL issue.
Jason Garrett recently got a vote of confidence from Jerry Jones. This means Garrett is sure to be fired.
Snerk. (Would you like to see Jerry Jones rapping?)
Are prep schools traveling too far for games?
At first blush, this sounds convincing. But the more we think about it, the more we’d like to see some evidence that the grades of the student players involved in travel really are suffering.
Folsom High School blues. “Minnesota was first in the NFL for sacks with 50, and had the league’s top sack artist, Jared Allen, with 22. The Vikings also were outscored by 109 points, finished 26th against the pass, and were eliminated from playoff contention by Thanksgiving.”
TMQ has decided to kick the “nonsensical procedurals” ball around again. So apparently, you can’t pull someone’s brain out through their nose in mere seconds. We’ll keep that in mind, Gregg, next time we need to mummify a corpse.
It’s a major award. Or maybe not.
Honest to Ghu, we thought TMQ was kidding when he described Eagles cheerleader Jen as holding “a bikini made from recycled fibers and earrings made from Cambodian bullet casings”. He wasn’t. (Jen is wearing the bottom half of the bikini, though. Please note that that link may be borderline in the workplace.) Specifically, Jen’s earrings were “created by fair trade Cambodian artisans made from brass bullet casings that once littered Cambodia which are recycled and turned into fashion statements for peace”. On the one hand, “fair trade Cambodian artisans” and “fashion statements for peace” make our gorge rise. On the other hand, we’d happily buy a pair of these earrings if Jen came with them.
“Why should vehicles with extreme power be allowed on public roads?” Because, Gregg, in the immortal words of WCD’s personal hero, Tam (who is celebrating an anniversary today, and who has never been accused of using performance enhancing drugs, unless caffeine is considered a performance enhancing drug, in which case…well, maybe we should reconsider that line of thought), “Because fuck you. That’s why.” Who died and elected Gregg Easterbrook moral scold?
We do still think TMQ is right about clean diesel vehicles. We would be delighted to see something like the VW California Biker imported into the US at a reasonable price. (The Jetta SportWagen might be a nice car for us; we’d have to check, but it looks like it might hold a full-sized modern sporting rifle.)
“The Rams have been active this summer in granting lucrative contract extensions to players. The gang that just went 2-14, we want to make sure we keep them together!”
The lottery hurts poor people. Because, of course, poor people can’t do math, or read the information distributed by state lotteries that contains the actual odds, or budget their money properly, and need the help of Gregg Easterbrook, America’s moral scold, to tell them how to manage their funds.
We are being a little hard on TMQ here, and are somewhat inclined to agree that the states shouldn’t be running lotteries. (We remember watching a documentary series on PBS – we think it was an episode of “Frontline”, but aren’t sure – some time ago talking about the state lottery business. One of the people they spoke with pointed out that before lotteries existed, you had the numbers game, which may not have been all that much better than the state lotto. But, this person pointed out, the numbers guy was in the neighborhood. If someone’s house burned down, or somebody was in the hospital, the numbers guy was there with a few bucks to help out.) But if the state lotteries were eliminated, would all that money magically go back to the pockets of the poor? Or would the states raise taxes to keep spending at the same level? What’s worse: higher taxes on everyone, or a bribe to the state?
“Air pollution is declining thanks to technology — not to Congress or the courts.” (See also.)
Amazingly, TMQ managed to get through the Washington Redskins item without once mentioning Dan “Chainsaw” Snyder.
Readers write: “Last year, charities would have come out ahead just from the $10,000 celebration fine Steve Johnson incurred”, and pretty dancing girls go back to the 8th Century BC.
Tune in next week for TMQ’s annual all-haiku predictions, and WCD’s annual explanation of why we don’t do haiku.