We apologize for the delay in posting this week’s TMQ Watch. We’re taking a class on alternating Tuesday nights; last night was the first meeting, and it appears this class is going to eat up a significant chunk of time. Ah, well, onward and upward.
After the jump, haiku. Not our haiku, of course (we have already made our feelings on that subject known) but TMQ’s annual predictions haiku.
But first, TMQ brings in Mel Kiper Jr., “the Herodotus of the football draft” (TMQ’s words, not ours). Summary: “Today’s offensive linemen are on average 24 percent heavier than those of 1979, plus an average 31 percent stronger than those of 1991.” That’s 1,104 words you can skip.
As we did last year, we’re not going to retype all of TMQ’s haiku, but we will comment on ones we feel are significant. Let’s start with the Buffalo Bills: 2-14, Gregg? Don’t get us wrong, we’d love to see Buffalo go 2-14 (or 0-16) but we’re really kind of dubious they’ll be that bad.
TMQ has the blues about frivolous trademark claims.
“The NCAA says the right things for public consumption, but does nothing to change the collegiate incentive structure.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. “As TMQ has noted before, just include graduation rates as a factor in BCS rankings, and overnight, football-factory coaches will start insisting their players be in class.” WCD thinks it is far more likely that football-factory coaches will pull out of the BCS. We were discussing this with a friend over the weekend; WCD believes that sometime within the next decade, major schools (especially those with a history of NCAA violations) are going to start pulling out of the NCAA and form their own sanctioning organization. All it takes is one major school (Ohio State? Miami?) to withdraw, and we believe the rest will fall like a row of dominos.
TMQ offers a nice tribute to Derek Sheely, a football player for Frostburg State University who died of head trauma possibly sustained during practice.
TMQ believes the Texas will finish 10-6, but won’t make the playoffs. WCD feels better about our bet with Lawrence already.
The Dominique Strauss-Kahn case leads TMQ to ask why more prosecutors aren’t charged with prosecutorial misconduct. In addition to TMQ’s speculation about media outlets wanting tips, WCD suggests: who investigates allegations of prosecutorial misconduct? Could it be…lawyers? Lawyers who have a vested interest in not ticking off prosecutors?
Oh, Nikki, you’re so fine. You’re so fine, you blow our mind. Oh, Nikki.
“TMQ thinks the core problem with superheroes is that they have become too powerful.” Yes, yes, yes. In a world where anything can happen, nothing that does happen is interesting. This is WCD’s core problem with Superman and pretty much every other superhero. (Say what you will about Batman, at least he’s human, and thus vulnerable.) Frankly, though, we’d suggest that you skip TMQ’s DC rant, and read this Penny Arcade instead, which (in WCD’s humble opinion) aptly and concisely makes the same point.
Christmas creep. General creep. “…Philly bars and brewpubs went into full Oktoberfest mode on Sept. 1.” Given that the linked article points out Oktoberfest in Munich actually starts September 17th, and given that we had this discussion last year, isn’t this particular example of creep meaningless (like almost all of TMQ’s “creep” items)?
“Brandon Lee Was Killed by a Dummy Bullet — Yet in Cinema, Real Bullets Are Harmless”. It is somewhat surprising to see TMQ beating his “movie violence is bad” drum this early in the season. His mention of “True Grit” is also a little surprising to us: we saw (and loved) the movie, but we don’t at all remember the scene where LaBoeuf is shot. We do, however, remember him being clubbed by Chaney; in that vein, it is interesting that TMQ, who has spent so much time discussing head trauma in the NFL context, doesn’t condemn filmed depictions of same (which are about as realistic as filmed depictions of gun violence).
And perhaps it is just semantics, but we are bothered by TMQ’s reference to Brandon Lee being killed by a “dummy bullet”, whatever the heck a “dummy bullet” is. Brandon Lee was killed by a real bullet, propelled by a blank cartridge in a revolver, and his death (if Wikipedia is to be believed) was the result of stupidity and negligence that approaches the criminal level.
(We will say, though, that Allen Forkner makes a good point with respect to the damage done by expanding gasses/muzzle blast at contact or near-contact ranges. We would add to his point by noting that most modern handgun ammunition loaded for defense is designed to expand inside the human body, and not to penetrate; “over-penetration” leading to collateral damage is a concern of law enforcement. This makes the “Die Hard 4” and “Rizzoli and Isles” examples even more stupid.)
Delaware Valley 10, Muhlenberg 9 (OT). Jackson State 42, Concordia of Selma 2. WCD note: the Slippery Rock – Indiana University of Pennsylvania game is September 24th.
TMQ picks Indy-Saints for the Super Bowl. But. “If Manning goes on injured reserve, my AFC choice switch to New England.”
And that wraps things up for the last week before the start of the season. Next week, we can look forward to “sudden unexpected amphiboly, appositives, recursive categorical syntax, tertium comparisons and hypocatastasis”. And possibly some new jokes from TMQ, though we would not bet the farm on this.