And so we slog ever closer to the end of another TMQ season. What does Gregg Easterbrook bring us in this, the off week before the Super Bowl? Let’s open up this week’s column and find out after the jump…
This week’s TMQ column is approximately 6,500 words. Easterbrook spends 1,119 of those (about 17%) arguing a point that can be summarized thus: “The Green Bay Packers should tell us what kind of concussion reducing helmet Aaron Rodgers wears.”
Don’t go anywhere during the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl. Also, no one will be admitted during the exciting painting staring scene.
Erica. We are kind of suspicious of her Michael Pollan reading, but we’d still take her out for a cheeseburger and the amusing house wine.
Wacky disclaimers: deaf dogs can’t hear (opening tonight for “Dogs Die In Hot Cars“), Chantix, and Paul Krugman?
Both the Packers and Steelers have built good teams through the draft, not through free agent signings.
The Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio should consider character issues. You can now skip another 720 words (about 11%) of this week’s column.
TMQ considers Fermi’s Question: “Where are they?” They, in this case, being other intelligent species. WCD can’t really mock TMQ for that; this is a question that has long occupied our thoughts as well. Indeed, we wrote a paper for one of our classes at St. Ed’s on the subject; when we get home tonight, we’ll add a link to that paper.
TMQ moves on this week from picking on wine geeks to picking on real geeks, by mocking the specialized advertising in Science. WCD would love to respond by mocking the specialized advertising in one of the professional publications TMQ reads, but we’re not sure what profession TMQ is actually in. And we let our subscription to the Columbia Journalism Review lapse, anyway.
Super Bowl scouting: look for sideline passes by the Steelers, or not. Look for no onside kicks by the Steelers, or not. Green Bay needs to tackle well and avoid the three man rush. Watch the Steelers offensive line. Maybe the Packers will go to a no huddle offense, or not. TMQ predicts a high scoring game, since everyone else expects a low scoring one.
The football gods get their news from SportsCenter. More creep.
WCD is always up for some Dennis Kucinich bashing, as that gives us a chance to insert photos of his hot wife for no good reason:
However, TMQ could have done a better job covering the Kucinich olive pit lawsuit. For starters, he could have noted that Kucinich withdrew the suit last Friday. He could also have discussed the reasons Kucinich gave for filing the suit. He also could have considered whether $150,000 is a “headline grabbing amount” to ask for in a lawsuit, given the damages Kucinich claimed. Edited to add: He also could have linked to this article over at Battleswarm, which contains even more photos of the lovely and talented Mrs. Kucinich. I throw in that link, not for gratuitous reasons, but so my readers can have all the information they need to make a decision.
Standing ovation inflation. And the TMQ Challenge returns:
The challenge is to compose a Black Eyed Peas song (one stanza and refrain, plus the title) using only the words and phrases below, plus common articles and conjunctions. Words you can use:
Body; boom; boom-boom; dance; dancing; dress; drink; drank; feeling; get; Goose; gotta; grab; here we come; here we go; high; hot; ladies; legs; money; melon ball; naked; night; now; off; party; pow; shake it; smoke; strip; toke; wanna; want; zoom.
“Submit your entries to TMQ_ESPN@yahoo.com; you must include your name and hometown to be considered.” Hmmmm. WCD is considering whether we should activate the Mike the Musicologist signal (a giant searchlight that shines a treble clef, located on the top floor of the nose hair clipper).
Papa John’s is offering a free large pizza to everyone in America if the Super Bowl goes into overtime. Good to know.
The “Smoke Signals” cocktail sounds interesting. Would melt water really retain enough smoke flavor to make the effort worthwhile? And if it does, what exactly is in the “smoke flavor” that’s going into the water?
Reader comments: flyovers benefit the military more than they do NFL, flight time minimums and driving time minimums are way different (and WCD wishes we had picked up on that point last week), Shaun Suisham and Flozell Adams get to rub it in Jerry’s face, someone else picked up on the whole “local bison” thing from last week, and police escorts.
Stay tuned for next week’s senses-shattering TMQ Watch, when we see how much time TMQ devotes to discussing the commercials.