The Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back NFL MVP is Creed Humphrey, center for Kansas City.
In other news, welcome to the penultimate TMQ, and the penultimate TMQ Watch. Also, welcome to the most boring week in sports.
After the jump, this week’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback (which you won’t be able to read in its entirety unless you subscribe to “All Predictions Wrong”, which is the actual title of Gregg Easterbrook’s Substack)…
The game will be dominated by running. Also, TMQ predicts the final score to be 20-17. TMQ does not predict, however, which team will get 20 and which will get 17. 20-17 is just the most common NFL final score.
Football season is about to end. Film at 11.
Take deep breaths. Go on long walks and appreciate the beauty of nature.
TMQ on the problems with the NFL MVP (almost always a quarterback or running back, voting takes place before the playoffs, the ignorant members of the sports media are the voters). This, in turn, segues into an explanation/rundown of the runners-up for the Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back National Football League Most Valuable Player.
(And TMQ got his wish: the Wikipedia page has been updated. The updater even outed himself in comments.)
Runners-up: Travis Kelce (tight end, KC), Roquan Smith (linebacker, Baltimore), Chris Jones (defensive tackle, KC), Trent Williams (offensive tackle, SF).
Really, Gregg. If you wanted to make a tortured analogy out of the Russo-Japan war, wouldn’t a better one for the Washington team be the Kamchatka? “…plagued with unfortunate incidents“? Nearly started a war with the British? The most hated ship in the Russian fleet?
Creed Humphrey. Bonus: instead of a TMQ attempt at humor, we have…an actual mildly amusing SNL skit. Which, being mildly amusing, was cut from broadcast. But if you don’t subscribe to APW, you can watch it here.
Chiefs scouting notes. SF scouting notes. We really couldn’t make heads or tails of those. Other than this: “defense starts comebacks, offense stops them”, and SF was lucky against Detroit. So maybe (this is us, not TMQ) take KC? Especially if you believe that the NFL has the fix in for the Saylor Twift fans.
More complaints about the NFL and gambling. “…throw your arms around the showgirls, but gambling problems destroy families”. No mention of “Readers know my compromise with my Baptist upbringing is to be pro-topless but anti-gambling.” yet again.
Soupy Sales, call your office, please.
(As a side note, how many reports have you seen of kids stealing their parents credit cards for transactions in mobile games?)
“Reacher” (the Amazon series) is unrealistic. 442 words down.
Patrick Mahomes’s helmet (the one that cracked in sub-zero temperatures) was a Vicis Zero2 which retails for $759. Good helmets are expensive new.
The WP is still denying the existence of black coaches. Except they finally ran a story about the new black coaches. Except the story ran on D3, while the original “not enough black coaches” story was front-page. On the other hand, TMQ praises the WP‘s reporting on the distribution of funds from the NFL concussion settlement.
Except…he points out that there are some omissions in the story. One example: a player who developed dementia, applied for settlement money, and was denied. The WP didn’t mention: he was 81 when he applied for settlement money, and died at 84.
In this vein, we’d just like to point out that TMQ doesn’t mention last week’s ESPN story that we linked to, about whether concern about CTE has outpaced the actual science of CTE. Look: we don’t like CTE. We don’t like thinking that people are out there damaging their brains for our entertainment. We think the NFL, the NCAA, and organizations down to the elementary school level should be doing everything they can to prevent concussions. If that means banning tackle football before college, so be it. If that means getting rid of football in some areas because good helmets cost too much, so be it. But: what does the science show?
Saylor Twift and her private jets. And private jets in general.
Elon Musk’s private jets have been extensive criticized – and tracked – on social media.
Athletes should really, seriously, just shut the f–k up when it comes to penalties.
TMQ reproduces Bill Belichick’s full-page Boston Globe ad.
Jerry Rice was a statistical outlier, by football standards.
Top-heavy NFL staffing, a TMQ evergreen. A “pause” is, by definition, temporary, so “temporary pause” is redundant.
Subsidies. Washington Football Team, again. It’s the week before the Superb Owl, two good teams are playing, why dwell so much on a 4-13 team?
Richard Nixon, Barack Obama, and Jets head coach Robert Saleh. “Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?” Technically correct, but we were looking for: they were all obsessed with leaks.
And that’s a wrap for this week, folks. Tune in next week for the senses-shattering season finale of Tuesday Morning Quarterback! Only on the All Predictions Wrong Substack!