Whipped Cream Difficulties

Florida Man, Florida Man…

Police say a 10-year-old boy approached his father with an unusual request: Could he take him to do a drive-by shooting in Opa-locka with a paint gun? The father, 26-year-old Michael Williams, agreed, detectives say.

Cutting to the chase, the homeowner returned fire. With a real gun. The 10-year-old was injured, and the dad is charged with “child neglect with great bodily harm”.

If the boy is 10, that would make the dad 16 when he had the child. Which may indicate something…

Bonus:

The boy suffered a further injury after losing his balance and getting run over by the van, according to the police report.

Florida Man, Florida Man…

A judge has rejected the “stand your ground” defense of a Florida man who said he beat an iguana to death only after it attacked him, biting him on the arm.

…

Prosecutors say Patterson “savagely beat, tormented, tortured, and killed” the 3-foot (1-meter) iguana in a half-hour attack caught on surveillance video. Prosecutor Alexandra Dorman said that “at no time was the iguana posing any real threat” to Patterson last September and he “was not justified in his actions when he kicked this defenseless animal at least 17 times causing its death.”
Animal control officials said Patterson tormented the animal, which is why it bit him on the arm, causing a wound that required 22 staples to close. Under state law, people are allowed to kill iguanas, an invasive species, in a quick and humane manner. A necropsy, though, showed the iguana had a lacerated liver, broken pelvis and internal bleeding, which were “painful and terrifying” injuries, prosecutors contend.
But Patterson’s public defender, Frank Vasconcelos, wrote that the iguana was the aggressor when it “leaned forward with its mouth wide open and showing its sharp teeth, in a threatening manner” and attacked Patterson. Bleeding from his bite, Patterson “kicked the iguana as far as he could,” Vasconcelos said.

Florida Woman, Florida Woman…

A woman who was missing for three weeks and then rescued from a Florida storm drain found herself in another underground tunnel system in Texas over the weekend, according to media reports.

Paraphrasing someone: “To fall into one storm drain may be regarded as misfortune, to fall into a second storm drain looks like carelessness.”

Houston Woman, Houston Woman…

A Texas mother has been charged after police say she accidentally shot her 5-year-old son while firing multiple times at a dog running loose in a Houston neighborhood over the weekend.

The boy was hit by a ricochet. His injuries are “not expected to be life-threatening”.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 3rd, 2021 at 1:06 pm and is filed under Guns, Law, Lizards, Reptiles, Stupid. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.