Whipped Cream Difficulties

That’s a 74-word lead with a parenthetical clause and a double hyphenation. Welcome to Tuesday Morning Quarterback.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. Welcome back to TMQ Watch. After the jump…

All the New York Football Giants had to do was run the ball. But is that all there is to it? Of course not. “Thrice in the second half, the Giants used too-conservative tactics and kicked on fourth-and-short.”

Speaking of chicken-(salad) kicking: Philadelphia, Washington. And did you know the paper of record had a “4th Down Bot“? Yeah, neither did we.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback will delve into the deep-seated psychohistorical reasons that coaches send out kickers on fourth-and-short.

Why “psycohistorial”? Wouldn’t it be cleaner just to say “psychological”? Or “historical”? Especially since the term “psychohistorical” implies long term analysis of nations, not short-term analysis of kicking decisions by NFL coaches? “deep-seated psychohistorical reasons” sounds a little pretentious. Oh, wait, this is TMQ.

One thing that’s missing from the NYT version of TMQ: links to sections within the column.

Sweet: Dallas. Sour: Pittsburgh. Mixed: St. Louis – Seattle. Where have the Seattle and Detroit defenses gone, long time passing?

Stats.

“…of the 110 offensive and defensive starters from the N.F.L.’s five most recent title teams, only 42 still suit up for the squads with which they won rings”. That’s about 38%. Is that high? Low? Just about right? Does TMQ care? No. “So long as a team has a couple of well-known stars, the identities of the wedge guys are irrelevant.”

We are highly surprised that TMQ did not mention his Baptist upbringing (which, as well all know, leads him to be anti-gambling and pro-nudity) while discussing betting on the NFL. Perhaps there is a benefit to the NYT‘s influence?

Noted without comment:

From the many picks Cleveland acquired in the Jones deal, the Browns still have Manziel, chosen with a draft choice attained in subsequent trades. Of other Jones-linked players, the Browns have waived Phil Taylor, Greg Little, Owen Marecic and Brandon Weeden.

Noted for purposes of what John Gruber calls “claim chowder”:

Don’t fret for RG3. By winter at the latest, he will be on another team. The moment Griffin is clear of the negative energy field projected by Chainsaw Dan Snyder, he’ll play well again.

Pass whacky: da Bears.

Incompletion, incompletion, incompletion, and I wrote “game over” in my notebook.

Is there a chance that Easterbrook’s new editors are going to ask for a look at the legendary notebook? You know, just to confirm the “game over”?

Is “Jingle-Footed” a Bunch of Argle-Bargle?

This is code for “Is Chip Kelly racist?”

During the off-season, Kelly moved Brandon Boykin, Nick Foles, Jeremy Maclin, Evan Mathis, LeSean McCoy and other top players. Kelly is a college guy, and in college ball, the roster is totally revamped on an annual basis.

Okay. But college is not the NFL, and surely Chip Kelly knows the difference.

McCoy, who is African-American, accused Kelly, who is white, of unloading black players.

Or, you know, Kelly could have been unloading underperforming players. If this was real sports journalism, someone might have provided stats on how Boykin, Foles, Maclin, Mathis, McCoy, and the others performed, especially in comparison to players in the same positions on other teams. They wouldn’t be ideal, because there’s so much variation in competition between teams, but it’d be a start.

Because racial issues boil below the surface of the N.F.L., the situation between Kelly and McCoy makes league insiders uncomfortable.

Perhaps it should.

When the Bills play at Philadelphia on Dec. 13, a pregame man-hug between these two would seem in order.

The New York Times, ladies and gentlemen.

Hey! More about the Super Bowl!

But it’s not just Pete Carroll — many N.F.L. coaches go pass-wacky at the goal line. A future T.M.Q. will speculate as to the deep-seated psychohistorical reasons.

Rex Ryan. Why the Flying Elvii? Why Jersey/A and Jersey/B?

Aren’t you weary of “____”-Gate?

Actually, yes.

And that’s the end of this week’s TMQ. Except for this:

Correction: September 15, 2015
An earlier version of this article misstated that Eagles Coach Chip Kelly called running back LeSean McCoy “jingle-footed.” Kelly said in 2008 that he does not like “jingle-footed” running backs, but that was not a reference to McCoy.

(We, personally, are excited at the thought of the NYT publishing a correction of TMQ’s 1972 Miami Dolphins item. With our luck, however, this is the year someone will go 19-0.)

“But,” you cry, “is that all there is? What about the obscure college football scores? What about the digressions? What about the muzzle flashes of cosmic weaponry? Where are the cosmic thoughts? Where is the creep?”

Indeed. Dropping this into Microsoft Word, and ignoring the captions and correction, we get 2,418 words. In comparison, we come up with 8,288 words for the first TMQ of the 2014 regular season.

What’s a Tuesday Morning Quarterback without digressions and creep? Sports journalism, maybe? A shorter TMQ certainly makes our lives easier. But looking at the NYT comments, it seems a lot of folks miss the old TMQ:

A TMQ that is entirely on-topic and 100% football is a pale imitation of the TMQ his fans know and love.

We confess to some pangs in that direction as well. If you take much of Easterbrook’s bolshie bushwa out of his column, what’s left to write about? (And we really do miss the obscure college football scores.)

Tune in next week and we’ll find out.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 16th, 2015 at 4:24 pm and is filed under Clippings, Media, NFL, Sports, TMQ watch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.