The ultimate TMQ! (At least, for this season.) Plus, we almost, but not quite, apologize to Gregg Easterbrook. After the jump, this week’s TMQ…
“…defense still trumps offense.” 517 words down.
Sweet: Julian Edelman. Sour: not handing the ball to Marshawn Lynch (but not when you think). Mixed: yes, that one.
Scott Walker is off TMQ’s list. Gregg Easterbrook is still confused about the difference between “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” and “Regret the Error”.
1.05 pounds, actually, according to Google. We challenge TMQ to distinguish between 1.0 and 1.05 pounds. (Granted, “technically correct” is the best kind of correct, but in light of an item later in the column…)
Linebacker Bobby Wagner of the Seahawks is your “Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-QB Non-RB NFL MVP”. What is a sport?
Okay. But earlier in the column, TMQ sneers at Formula 1 and NASCAR drivers:
We would suggest that TMQ’s experience driving a McLaren at 120 MPH for an unspecified period of time is not the same as the experience of a NASCAR driver going 200 MPH for three or more hours. (There is a very good book, written by a former Formula 1 doctor, that goes into great detail about the physical demands of racing. Unfortunately, we are unable to find the details at the moment, but we will update this post when we can lay our hands on the book.)
Edited to add: The book we were thinking of is Rapid Response: My Inside Story as a Motor Racing Life-Saver
TMQ’s definition isn’t a bad one, but it could probably use a bit more thought. As could TMQ’s attitudes towards various activities that are considered “sports”.
Creep. “To submit a proposal for a 9,000-word column that might have something to do with football, press 5.”
1. Given that the Spider Man musical is basically synonymous with “legendary disaster”, we’re going to go with “never”. Is “never” good enough for you?
2. We also wanted to mention this so we have another excuse to link to the entry on “Batman” in the Jim Steinman wiki.
This week in unrealistic television: distances traveled, coffee, gunshots in enclosed spaces, and cell phones.
This is where we offer a half-apology to TMQ. We have mentioned in the past that TMQ doesn’t seem to understand dramatic conventions, and we stand by that. We have also mentioned that TMQ’s favorite example of a ridiculous television show is the revival of “Hawaii 5-0”.
We had not actually seen an episode of the new “5-0” until this past weekend, when we were dining with Lawrence at a restaurant that had a rerun going (with the sound turned down, alas).
This is what made our unrealistic television gorge rise:
1. The two main characters are trapped in what was a janitorial closet after a bombing. One of them (we can’t tell Danny from Steve) has a chunk of rebar sticking out of his lower abdomen. The other character pulls it out. And then he pours bleach into the wound.
2. At the end of the episode, the same character who had a chunk of rebar in his guts is shown walking around, hugging the other character, hugging his girlfriend and daughter, and walking off into the sunset without any medical treatment at all. Dear dumbass: your intestine is punctured. Shit is leaking into your abdominal cavity. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE without benefit of immediate medical treatment, including powerful antibiotics. Plus, gut wounds hurt like hell, or so we hear.
We still think that TMQ lacks a basic understanding of dramatic convention, but we’re more willing to cut him some slack in the future when he complains about the new 5-0.
Stop giving money to schools that don’t need it (another TMQ evergreen).
Super Bowl summary: great passing in the postseason by New England, Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski, and Seattle went all pass whacky.
“What’s the difference, he asks, between fruit and real fruit?”
Fruit.
Real fruit.
State standings. Mamas, don’t let your babies play tackle football. Marshawn Lynch and the media.
(TMQ has his evergreens, we have ours.)
If you have 1 hour, 40 minutes, you can make One Hour Chili.
Setting aside for the moment the question of whether you should take advice on making Texas chili from the NYT, the recipe in question appears to have about 30 minutes of idle time built in (waiting for the dried peppers to rehydrate).
Perhaps something like this
Another TMQ evergreen: the complaint about hyper-Specificity. You know, like the difference between 1.0 pounds and 1.05 pounds. Or the difference between one hour and 1:05.
Halftime. Are millennials losing interest in football? Maybe, but why? Is it no longer something kids do with Dad? Are the prices too high? (We’re not sure why TMQ drags in Super Bowl ticket prices; of course the biggest game of the year will command a high price.) “…football is assiduously pricing itself out of family-based nostalgia.”
Your undrafted player watch. Sacrificial coaches.
One thing that we do suggest you read is TMQ’s recommended books list. We’re not going to say we agree with everything – we haven’t read any of them, but we do wonder why he’s recommending the Cosby book – but it is at least a thought provoking list. (We’re interested in the Teachout
Doug Baldwin. What a maroon. Richard Sherman. What a maroon. (The final football gods reference for the season! Hurrah!) Belichick’s safety dance.
The single worst play of the season: yes, that one.
And thus we come to the end of our long march. Rotate your tires. Remember the Pueblo. Keep the shiny side up and the rubber side down. If the world doesn’t end, we’ll see you either in April or August.