So. It has come to this.
(Actually, we just like saying “So. It has come to this.” We’re also fond of “As foretold in the prophecy” and “so let it be written, so let it be done”.)
This week’s TMQ, after the jump…
Teams that return an interception for a touchdown are 12-0 in the Super Bowl.
693 words down. (There are some slightly interesting questions around that stat, though. Do teams get pick-sixes because they are playing well and would have won anyway? Or is the pick-six so devastating that teams can’t recover from it? We suspect the former.)
Keep an eye on the second-half kickoff. Stats. Bottomless pits.
I know if I ruled the galaxy, I’d want a bottomless pit in my office.
Well, who among us wouldn’t?
Voting for the Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back National Football League Most Valuable Player is open.
Compressd Super Bowl stuff: both teams perform better if they win the coin flip and defer. The Seahawks start slow and pick up in the second half, while New England performs fairly consistently. “If Brady’s offense sputters for a third straight Super Bowl, victory is unlikely.” (Thank you, Captain Obvious.) Also, Seattle doesn’t blitz and doesn’t switch coverages. New England should throw deep and run straight ahead. “the Seahawks’ offense is a throwback”. Press corners. Seattle is superior on offense and defense, but not as good on special teams: this might be important.
“If you encounter evil living snowmen, don’t drive through them!” Has anyone told Calvin’s dad? Tax the rich, but use the money to pay down the national debt. Something something Ballgate. (“Bill Belichick’s* Patriots”. Is TMQ ever going to grow up?)
“Perhaps astronomers are seeing the muzzle flashes of doomsday weapons.” Again, TMQ? We’ve lost count of how many times “the muzzle flashes of doomsday weapons” has occurred in this column. (Also, why does TMQ assume that “doomsday weapons” would have “muzzle flashes”?)
More Ballgate. Only TMQ has decided to call it “PSIcheated”. We’re just tired of the whole damn thing and want the Super Bowl to be over.
Does TMQ think there’s some kind of massive conspiracy to falsely label goat cheese? And did he even think to Google “red velvet martini“? (Not that we consider these to be real martinis.)
Football announcers praise chicken-(salad) kicking. Film at 11. Apparently, TMQ was wrong, and “pushing the runner” is no longer illegal.
We agree with TMQ: we’d like to hear all the verses of “The Star Spangled Banner” and “America the Beautiful” sung at the Super Bowl. Especially this one:
Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
And this one:
O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine!
And that’s a wrap for this week, folks. Next week: the ultimate TMQ for the year? We shall see.