Whipped Cream Difficulties

This week’s TMQ, after the jump…

But the NFL sets the tone for some four million impressionable young people.

You may now skip the first 973 words of this week’s TMQ.

Baltimore won the Super Bowl because Mount Union won the D3 championship. We’re not sure we agree with you a hundred percent on your police work there, Gregg.

“The Mannings roll in endorsements — Gatorade, Sony, DirecTV, Nabisco, Samsung, Buick.” And they’ve pretty much managed to burn through most of the goodwill we felt for them, in part because they are so overexposed. “Flacco endorses gummy bears.” What’s wrong with gummy bears?

Now with the team run by Doug Marrone and the front office in the hands of Russ Brandon and Doug Whaley, all relatively young and eager to make their reputations, perhaps spark will be added.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. TMQ’s been optimistic about Buffalo since before we started doing the watch, and what has it gotten him? Or the Bills?

“Marvin Lewis lacks chutzpah”. Perhaps he should kill both of his parents, and then plead for mercy because he’s an orphan?

It’s odd the world still cares about European royals, whose primary contribution to history has been wars, repression and poverty for ordinary people so that a handful of twits could live in extreme excess, admiring themselves in the mirror.

Yes. Wouldn’t the world have been much better off if the European countries had been democracies run by illiterate peasants?

But let us not forget that kings, queens, princes, princesses, dukes, duchesses and the rest have had an almost entirely negative impact on the human family. Billions of people across the centuries would have lived better lives if the curse of royalty had not arisen.

Look, we’re not huge fans of the current bunch of totally irrelevant royals, either. But Easterbrook’s assertion that humanity would have been much better off without royalty strikes us as a historical fantasy.

Turner should wire him up and give Weeden an electric shock every time he taps the ball.

We have a better idea: wire up the Cleveland Browns management team and let the season ticket holders give them an electric shock every time they make a stupid decision. (Of course, this would end up looking like something out of a Stanley Milgram experiment…)

Manning is 154-70 during the regular season, 9-11 in the playoffs. When the pressure cranks up in the postseason, Manning tends to telegraph and to throw more short sideways passes.

And yet, Manning gets the big endorsements, and Flaco gets the gummy bears. Some days you get the gummy bear, other days it gets you.

Houston is overrated.

We don’t know. We kind of think this might be Houston’s year, and are tempted to find a Vegas sports book and put $20 down on the Texans winning the Superb Owl.

(We do not recommend that you take our betting advice. On a completely unrelated note, the Chicago Cubs magic number as of this writing is 58.)

(By the way, the Texans media guide is a comparatively svelte 327 pages.)

The league told Colts end Robert Mathis he may no longer wear his funky face mask. Inevitably this will mean an NFL ban on members of the band Daft Punk playing in the secondary.

Is it just us, or is Daft Punk a cheap French rip-off of The Residents? (Also, you punk kids get off our lawn.)

Putting Red Zone Channel on the Jacksonville video board has tremendous backfire potential.

Creep. Mark Sanchez: not a good quarterback. Andy Reid has 22 assistants?

Well, well, well. What do you know? “Skyfall” is not realistic.

The cackling super-villain has a helicopter gunship available on short notice to attack a castle in Scotland. Probably there are not that many privately owned helicopter gunships in the United Kingdom.

True, Gregg. The United Kingdom has strict helicopter gunship control. And yet, it doesn’t prevent bad guys from shooting up castles in Scotland.

Perhaps the bad guy called a helicopter gunship rental agency.

This is our new career ambition – that is, if our plan to become a philosopher king fails, we’re going to open a helicopter gunship rental agency.

“The Genetically Engineered Surimi — TMQ’s new cognomon”. Sigh. You were using that for Miami last year, Gregg. And as we pointed out then, “surimi” is a processed and extruded fish product, so “genetically engineered surimi” is a nonsense phrase.

Owner Stephen Ross is so unpopular he’s managed to turn local politicians against a new stadium deal, which in the upside-down world of NFL economics is nearly impossible.

From what we’ve read elsewhere, anger over the proposed stadium deal also has a lot to do with the Miami Marlins.

The Dolphins will win the division because … because … I have no logical explanation. Once in a while, you go with your feelings.

Follow your intestines, Gregg.

Wacky disclaimer of the week: language and crude sexual content. Or, as we call it around WCD World Headquarters, “a day ending in ‘y'”.

Will New England in 2013 once again be unstoppable during the regular season, then sputter come postseason?

The world famous Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, removed a photo of Aaron Hernandez (who, TMQ would like to remind us, has not yet actually been convicted of any crime), while keeping up “little shrines” (TMQ’s phrasing, not ours) to O.J. Simpson and Lawrence Taylor.

“O.co Coliseum”. We hope to catch a Raiders game on TV this year, as we really want to hear the announcers try to pronounce “O.co Coliseum”.

The Big East 2013 football schedule includes Houston at Southern Methodist, a Big “East” pairing in which neither leaves the state of Texas; Memphis at Houston and SMU at Memphis, pairings in which neither Big “East” school is in the Eastern time zone.

Quick! Somebody tell TMQ there are twelve teams in the Big Ten!

Could lack of turmoil maybe just possibly have something to do with the Steelers also recording the most Super Bowl victories in that period?

We want to snark at this, but honestly, we think there’s a lot to be said for coaching stability leading to success.

TMQ is in favor of nuclear power. And in favor of Yucca Mountain.

Ah, San Diego. The most consistently over-rated team in the NFL.

The title is grammatically incorrect — “Daniels” is not plural, proper names that end with the letter “s” require as a second “s” in the possessive: the title should be “Lee Daniels’s The Butler.”

This isn’t as straightforward as Greggles asserts. Strunk and White agree with him, but there are plenty of other sources who assert “s'” is correct, or at least equally acceptable. See, for example, the discussion here.

“The Titans could be the train-wreck team of the 2013 season.” Please, Lord, we don’t ask for much…

And that’s a wrap for the AFC and this week’s TMQ. Tune in next week.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 20th, 2013 at 7:47 pm and is filed under Clippings, NFL, TMQ watch, Writing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.