Archive for June 23rd, 2022

Weird coincidences.

Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

Michael Swanwick has a post up on his website about one of his recent short stories.

This jumped out at me:

It’s a character fault. I don’t respond well to even the most benevolent authority.

Why? Well, earlier in the day, I’d been reading something that came across Hacker News that I had not seen before:

S.S. Van Dine’s Twenty Rules for Writing Detective Stories“.

A lot of these make sense. A lot of these I either want to break, or find someone who’s already broken them. Perhaps, like Swanwick, I have a problem with authority.

For example:

There must be no love interest in the story.

That’s a little obsolete, ain’t it?

The detective himself, or one of the official investigators, should never turn out to be the culprit. This is bald trickery, on a par with offering some one a bright penny for a five-dollar gold piece. It’s false pretenses.

I had a famous counter-example I wished to cite here, but on inspection, it turns out that the murderer (who was also the narrator) was not the detective. I can’t think of an actual good counter to this, and I suspect Van Dine may be right about this one.

The detective novel must have a detective in it; and a detective is not a detective unless he detects.

Defensible. I can imagine a detective novel featuring someone who doesn’t start out as a detective, but sort of falls into it (say, for personal reasons: the case is close to his heart). The Fabulous Clipjoint might be a good example of that, but Ed and Am still detect.

There simply must be a corpse in a detective novel, and the deader the corpse the better.

So you can’t have a detective novel in which the central crime is, say, an embezzlement scheme, or financial fraud? Now I want to write that book.

There must be but one detective–that is, but one protagonist of deduction–one deus ex machine.

No “wunza” novels? No team detective novels? Now I want to write those books. (“He’s the Pope. She’s a chimp. They’re detectives.”) And again, The Fabulous Clipjoint and Brown’s subsequent Ed and Am books probably break that rule. (I equivocate a bit here because I haven’t read Clipjoint because I don’t have a copy of it yet. I guess I should get off my behonkus and buy the American Mystery Classics edition (affiliate link)).

Servants–such as butlers, footmen, valets, game-keepers, cooks, and the like–must not be chosen by the author as the culprit.

So we’re throwing out the whole “the butler did it”? I see Van Dine’s point, but I think it depends on how well the servant character is developed. For example, the long suffering family butler, who is well developed as a character, plays an integral role in the novel…and killed his master for knocking up the butler’s daughter.

There must be but one culprit, no matter how many murders are committed.

Murder on the Orient Express was published in 1934. Van Dine wrote this list in 1928.

Secret societies, camorras, mafias, et al., have no place in a detective story.

Now I want to write that book.

A detective novel should contain no long descriptive passages, no literary dallying with side-issues, no subtly worked-out character analyses, no “atmospheric” preoccupations.

I don’t think this detracts from the detective novel, if it is well done. Would this count as “atmospheric preocupation”?

There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands’ necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge.

(Yeah, granted, not a novel, but it could have been.)

On the other hand, Van Dine’s advice reminds me of Elmore Leonard:

If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.

Which makes sense.

A professional criminal must never be shouldered with the guilt of a crime in a detective story.

I can see ways of making that a compelling story. Thomas Perry’s Pursuit (affiliate link) is a very good example of this. But Van Dine would probably argue it isn’t a detective story, and I’d disagree with him. Then we’d end up having martinis (with bathtub gin, of course, because prohibition).

A crime in a detective story must never turn out to be an accident or a suicide.

I’d say I want to write this, and I can see ways of doing this, but Van Dine may be right here: it’d be a lot of effort, and I’m not sure there would be a payoff at the end. Then again…what if the detective is investigating a suicide or accident, trying to find out why it happened, and it ends up being a crime? Say the suicidal individual was being blackmailed?

The motives for all crimes in detective stories should be personal.

Arguably, if the motive is impersonal, it’s probably a professional criminal. (Or maybe action by a foreign power.) See my comments above on that subject.

And (to give my Credo an even score of items) I herewith list a few of the devices which no self-respecting detective-story writer will now avail himself of.

This is a decent list. It does have some things in I’m rather fond of (like dogs and tobacco) but those date back a ways. I think Van Dine was right about them being overused devices when he put the list together. But:

The bogus spiritualistic séance to frighten the culprit into giving himself away.

Fortunately, spiritualism (at least in the sense Van Dine was familiar with) is dead. But I can see working the bogus fortune teller/séance/other modern spiritualist equivalent into a story.

The cipher, or code letter, which is eventually unravelled by the sleuth.

Of course, Van Dine’s list predates the Zodiac Killer by a good bit. But by now, even that trope may be overused.

Obit watch: June 23, 2022.

Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

Tony Siragusa. 55. Damn.

Siragusa, nicknamed Goose, played in the N.F.L. for 12 seasons, seven of them for the Colts, who acquired him as an undrafted free agent in 1990. He joined the Baltimore Ravens in 1997 and retired after the 2001 season, one year after playing a key defensive role as the franchise won its first Super Bowl.

Siragusa, known for his imposing heft at 330 pounds during his playing days, was a key member of the Ravens’ championship team in the 2000 season. While that season was one of his worst statistically — he recorded only 27 tackles without any sacks — he contributed to one of the N.F.L.’s most fearsome defenses, absorbing blockers to allow the star linebacker Ray Lewis, defensive back Rod Woodson, lineman Sam Adams and others to succeed in their roles. That unit set N.F.L. records for the fewest points allowed (165) and rushing yards allowed (970) in a 16-game regular season.

James Rado. He was one of the creators of “Hair”.

After action report: Concord, NC.

Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

Last week, I was in Concord, North Carolina (a little outside of Charlotte).

Why?

The Smith and Wesson Collectors Association symposium, of course.

Yes, I did have a great time, thank you very much. No, I can’t talk a lot about what went on at the Symposium, since it is a closed meeting. I don’t think I’m revealing too much by saying there was an interesting presentation on a very early production S&W (serial number five) and another presentation on tracking down old NYPD guns. Not just “was this a NYPD gun?” but who carried it, when they carried it, and even background about the person who carried it.

(Fun fact: at least for the period of time under discussion, there was no such thing as a NYPD “issue” gun. Police officers were responsible for purchasing and providing their own firearms, based on what the department approved. There are some very limited exceptions: the department did have some “loaner” guns for officers whose weapons were being repaired, and some “specialty” guns for certain situations. But generally, if you were a NYPD officer, you bought your gun, it had your shield number engraved on it, and the NYPD kept track of what type of gun and what serial number was used by the officer with that shield number.)

I picked up some paper (S&W instruction sheets and promotional items). I didn’t buy any guns (which legally would have to be shipped to my FFL anyway), though there were a couple that tempted me. Bones, one of my friends in the association had a 638 that he offered me at what I think is a fairly good price. If I hadn’t already bought that Model 38…also, there’s another gun that I have my eye on.

(I’ve been telling people “I have Smith and Wesson tastes, but a Jennings Firearms budget.” I used to say “…a Taurus budget”, but someone pointed out to me that Taurus firearms are getting expensive.)

There are always some folks selling books as well. Generally, it isn’t their main focus, but incidental to the guns/parts/accessories on their table. Another one of my good friends had two Julian Hatcher books on his table that I think were original Samworths. But when I went back, he’d sold both of them to someone else. We did end up having a nice conversation about the Samworths, though: both of us were happy to find another SATPCO fan. (And he’s offered to sell me some of his surplus Samworths.)

Someone else was selling a copy of Elmer Keith’s Safari. For $1,000. But: this copy wasn’t just signed by Elmer Keith, it was signed by Elmer Keith to Bill Jordan, and included letters between the two of them. I can see the associational value justifying the extra $600 or so, if you’re a serious gun book crank.

(The same guy has another book I want, but the price is giving me the leaping fantods. And they weren’t on sale, but there was a guy there who had a couple of books on H.M. Pope to accompany his display: S&W target pistols that had been re-barrelled by Pope. Since I’m already interested in barrel making, that’s another rabbit hole to go down. Fortunately, those prices are more reasonable. Relatively speaking.)

I did get some good barbecue at Jim ‘N Nick’s in Concord. Thing is, it seems like it was more Alabama ‘que instead of Carolina ‘que. But it was still good. As was the chocolate cream pie. And the cheese biscuits were excellent: I’d buy a package of the mix, except shipping costs more than the mix itself. (I didn’t bring any back with me because I wasn’t sure I could fit it in my bags.)

Other than that, food was iffy. The hotel had an excellent free breakfast. Not a “continental breakfast”, but a real hot breakfast with an omelet and waffle station, eggs, biscuits and gravy, and etcetera. The hotel restaurant, on the other hand, didn’t have any wait staff: you had to order at the bar and a runner would bring the food out to you. And it honestly was not very good food.

Traditionally, there’s a “cocktail party” (which is really more like a full-blown dinner buffet, complete with prime rib carving station) and a sit-down banquet two nights during the symposium, so I didn’t go out those nights. My other meal out was at a Jason’s Deli with a bunch of my friends from the S&WCA so we could talk shop about some projects we’re working on.

I really didn’t do any touristy stuff. The convention runs Thursday through Saturday, and I spent all of that time gawking at guns and catching up with my friends. Sometimes there’s an excursion arranged as part of the Symposium, if there’s a point of interest nearby, but not in this case. Sunday was the only day I had free to explore. And I didn’t have a car. I looked into renting one just for Sunday, but that was so difficult I gave up the idea.

As it turns out, the hotel in Concord was almost right on top of Charlotte Motor Speedway. Apple Maps has it as two minutes (.5 miles) by car, and I could see the lights of the speedway from my (second floor) room. There is a tour offered, but it wasn’t available on that Sunday. Hendrick Motorsports is big in the area (the hotel is almost literally surrounded by various Hendrik auto dealerships). Their facility was also close to the hotel, and apparently used to offer tours: “Campus remains temporarily closed to the public.

(It isn’t that I’m a huge NASCAR fan: I try to keep up with the sport as a background process, but not seeing the speedway or the Hendrik campus didn’t break my heart. On the other hand, I really enjoy going to obscure places even if they may not line up with my current interests: you never know when you’ll come out of a new place with another rabbit hole to go down.)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a long Smith and Wesson related to-do list to work on. Only 363 days until the next Symposium.