Whipped Cream Difficulties

How stupid do you have to be to test positive for five banned substances?

“I’ve never seen a case like this, and we’re talking about 30 years I’ve been doing this kind of work,” said Don Catlin, an antidoping expert and former director of the U.C.L.A. Olympic Analytical Laboratory. “I’ve had doublets and triplets, but to have five, and have it cover three different subclasses of drugs, is unique, as far as I can tell.”

Obit watch: Robert Hegyes, best known as Juan Epstein on “Welcome Back, Kotter”. (FARK already did the “Epstein’s Mother” joke so I don’t have to.)