The Texas Department of Public Safety encourages you to get drunk and drive like a complete maniac this holiday weekend, as they’ve pulled all the state troopers off the road and will not be enforcing traffic regulations. You should plan on driving at at least 150% of the posted speed limit, unless it is wet and/or visibilty is obstructed; in that case, you should plan on driving at double the posted limit.
In other news: world ends. Women, minorites hardest hit. (Hattip.)
In other other news, our local outlet malls have announced that they expect to be completely deserted on Black Friday, and are frantically begging for customers to show up.