Archive for the ‘TMQ watch’ Category

TMQ watch: October 19, 2010.

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

“But the name of the game is be hit and hit back…”

—Warren Zevon, “Boom Boom Mancini”

I come up with a word count of 9,215 words in this week’s “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” column. Of those, I count 1,701 (about 18%) devoted to this week’s helmet to helmet hits and the NFL concussion problem. (I’m not counting the additional concussion material in the reader comments.)

I don’t want to seem like I’m dismissing TMQ’s emphasis on the problem. I agree with his main points; the NFL doesn’t penalize dangerous play, the sports media actively praises dangerous play, and things aren’t going to get better until the NFL cracks down. And I would much rather see him hammering on player safety than on the “blur” offense. The problem, though, is that these points have been made by pretty much everyone, starting with Rodney Harrison on Sunday. Now, TMQ is just preaching to the choir. I think it’s fair to ask TMQ to go beyond preaching.

Gee, isn’t it interesting that Boise State is ranked third, and TCU fifth, in the first BCS standings? Which leads to the possibility that the two schools will play each other in a bowl game, instead of each school playing another school from one of the conferences that automatically qualifies for a bowl?

Who names their child “Jocey”? I’m impressed by the fact that she’s a public defender, which shows she has some intellectual heft. Out of deference for the sensibilities of my mother, who is known to read this blog, I will refrain from commenting on her other assets.

Sweet and sour plays: New England – Baltimore, Green Bay – Miami, Baltimore – New England, Detroit – Giants, Kansas City – Houston.

More creep.

Speaking of endowments (see Jocey above), another of TMQ’s obsessions is that rich people should stop giving money to Ivy League schools. TMQ’s belief is that the Ivy League schools already have enough money, and that the rich should concentrate on giving to schools like Morehouse, where their money might actually make a difference. Here’s the Vanity Fair article on the fate of Harvard’s endowment.

“Adventures in Officiating”. Favre Favre Farve. “Friday Night Lights”. You know something? I’m sick and tired of hearing about “Friday Night Lights” and how it’s “the best show nobody is watching”. I don’t watch it because I. Don’t. Freaking. Care. Stop trying to ram it down my throat.

Christmas creep. Coach creep. Martz watch.

While WCD appreciates TMQ’s willingness to cover the latest developments in the world of astrophysics, we are getting a little tired of Easterbrook’s constant repetition that “humanity so far knows about 1 percent of what can be known”. Really, Gregg, we get it. So do most of the professional scientists we’re aware of.

Colts run the blur offense, Redskins run the Times Square defense. Chicken-<salad> punts: Baltimore and Dallas.

Offensive linemen. Still. WCD is starting to get offended.

Nick Saban doesn’t like agents who pay college players; he compares them to “pimps”. TMQ points out that the current scandals involve “relatively small” amounts of money. TMQ also calls Saban a “hypocrite” for suggesting that college football “throw the NFL out”, since college football programs “depend on the illusion that most players will make the NFL”. Finally, TMQ asks: how is a college football coach whose program only graduates 55% of the players who come in any better than a pimp?

Wasteful spending on bodyguards” continues with yet another shot at Rick Perry.

“Dallas is on a 1-5 streak and seeming to play dumber every week.”

Lindenwood 90, Culver-Stockton 19. Trinity (Texas) 17, Sewanee 3.

Reader comments: Saints, free kicks, and concussions.

And, finally, “many readers with good memories” commented that Easterbrook forgot to run his 1972 Miami Dolphins item after the Kansas City loss, so he runs it this week. The Dolphins item is my single biggest yearly annoyance with TMQ.

First of all, it’s lazy writing. Literally, lazy writing; Easterbrook brags about how he has the entire paragraph in his Microsoft Word AutoText, and plans to keep it there “because no NFL team’s going to go 19-0”. I’d root for the Detroit Lions to go 19-0, if it would just shut TMQ the heck up.

Second of all, it’s wrong. Wrong wrong wrongity wrong. I can’t believe readers haven’t written in and told Easterbrook this; it’s on freakin’ Snopes, for crying out loud! Given the amount of time and space Easterbrook devotes to bashing other non-fiction authors and publishers, it seems odd that he continues to knowingly and willfully repeat this error.

Tune in next week. Hopefully, we won’t have any NFL players die on the field between now and next Tuesday.

TMQ watch: October 12, 2010.

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

Amazingly, Easterbrook did not pull out his 1972 Miami Dolphins autotext this week. Oversight? It finally got through to TMQ that the champagne story was wrong? Will we ever know?

In other news, the first 1,070 words of this week’s TMQ can be summarized thusly: Oregon’s “blur” offense is nothing new, but combines four existing ideas, and executes them very fast. There’s nothing revolutionary about it.

“TMQ continues to believe the NFL is merely talking about concussion safety for show, hoping the issue will go away.”

Tracey. Not really my type.

Sweet and sour plays: Tampa – Cincinnati, Giants – Houston, Texas Tech – Baylor, Tony Romo.

Food is not healthy.

The TMQ obsession with asteroids striking Earth goes on.

Green Bay, New Orleans, and San Diego are all playing erratically, even though they were preseason favorites.

Chicken-<salad> punt: Houston.

(Baltimore’s) defense beats (Denver’s) offense.

Christmas creep goes on.

TMQ loves him some undrafted free agents. TMQ hates coins smaller than the quarter, and dollar bills.

Falcons fly, Bengals fall, the obsession with offensive linemen throwing passes continues.

Speaking of offensive linemen, TMQ also weighs in on the Lawrence Academy story (see what I did there?). I’m sure it will come as a great shock to both of my readers that Easterbrook thinks 300+ pound high-school students playing football is unsportsmanlike and unhealthy.

Wacky disclaimer: Dairy Queen.

Instead of paying college players a “living wage”, how about stipends like grad students get?

More creep.

TMQ avoids mentioning the big Favre story (or is it the little Favre story?), but that doesn’t stop him from Favre bashing. “…like the Jets and Packers before them, the Vikings have become a promotional vehicle for Favre, or rather for Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre, as TMQ once dubbed him.

TMQ doesn’t like the remake of “Nikita”. And by the way, it isn’t realistic.

Why do four-star generals in the Pentagon need bodyguards in the Pentagon?

Who is the worst team in the NFL right now? TMQ thinks that would be Buffalo.

Hey, let’s bash Randy Moss!

Union of Kentucky 84, Bethel of Tennessee 55. Shenandoah 7, Maryville of Tennessee 6.

Reader comments: Oktoberfest celebrates the start of October, and shouldn’t be part of your creep watch, maroon. NFL Network announcers don’t know the rules. The bounce play goes back prior to 1982. If you think the NFL is bad about concussions, try rugby. The Jerry Rice’s of basketball and cricket. Obscure rules. The free kick. And Rome was founded by the Trojans according to Virgil, so why shouldn’t USC play in the Coliseum, you maroon?

Tune in next week, when, if we’re lucky, Easterbrook will bring up his “pro-nudity, against gambling” theory.

TMQ watch: October 5, 2010.

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

Let’s just jump right into this week’s column again, shall we?

Something something pink. Something something Bill Belichick. Something something special teams. (Not in TMQ’s column, but WCD notes that the Dolphins fired their special teams coach this morning.)

Recruiting violations continue. The solution? Buy the ESPN Rise Recruiting Guide, with an introduction by TMQ himself, for only $4.95. You could also read TMQ’s “Thousand Word Guide to College Recruiting” for free.

WCD was initially tempted not to even comment on the thousand word guide. Then we were tempted to snark on it. But after reading it, we find that much of the advice is actually excellent; not just for high school athletes who might be recruited to play college sports, but for high school students period.

Okay, Gregg. Heather C. is a good choice.

Sweet and sour plays: St. Louis – Seattle, Chicago – Giants, San Francisco – Atlanta.

Creep. Easterbrook moves closer to dropping Christmas Creep.

Poorly run teams ignore or deny problems in the offseason, then panic when the season starts, evidenced by San Francisco firing its offensive coordinator after three games and Buffalo waiving its starting quarterback after three games.

TMQ remains the only sports column, to the best of our knowledge, that’s willing to talk about Gliese 581g.

If Jimi Heselden had been walking, he’d be president alive today. “The Segway is the SUV of the sidewalk.”

Offensive linesmen throwing passes and taking handoffs.

Christine O’Donnell is not a witch. We would, however, pay money to see her turn Gregg Easterbrook into a newt.

Jerry Rice, a great football player, or the greatest of all time?

Is ESPN getting better about reporting concussions?

“I prefer my salads defused.”

Jacksonville fooled Indy into thinking they were just going to run out the clock and go into overtime. Indeed, Jacksonville may have fooled themselves into thinking that as well, until Indy called a late timeout.

Consider the case of Larry Coker, fired from Miami because he wasn’t winning by large enough margins. Now he’s building a new program at the University of Texas – San Antonio, and already has teams lining up to schedule his program as a cupcake.

Wacky disclaimer: “The Last Airbender”.

“Trailing Washington 17-6 with 10 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter, the Eagles punted on fourth-and-5 from the Redskins’ 44. TMQ wrote the words ‘game over’ in our notebook.” WCD is amused by this statement, as we were also watching the game at that time, saw that punt, and wrote in our notebook, “TMQ wrote the words ‘game over’ in his notebook.”

TMQ meta-analyzes the NYT analysis of the Baltimore Ravens’ opposition to changing the overtime rules.

Eschewing the punt; how’s that working for you? Plus more on the 3-4 fad.

Texas Lutheran 28, Sul Ross State 11. Saint Scholastica 41, Crown 21.

Reader comments: police escorts, stupid targeted advertising for services you already subscribe to, great nicknames, “this is Tuesday Morning Quarterback, I don’t need a reason”, under-12 tackle football, machismo as a factor in head injuries, trick plays, and the Trojans play in the Coliseum.

The “Single Worst Play of the Season – So Far” returns, with the Lions punting on 4th and 9 from Green Bay’s 37, down by two points late in the 4th quarter. It figures that this would be a preposterous punt.

If TMQ did bring up the O.J. situation with Ralph Wilson, he does not discuss their conversation in this week’s column.

Tune in next week when, if we’re unlucky, Gregg Easterbrook will drag out his autotext about the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

TMQ watch: October 1, 2010.

Friday, October 1st, 2010

A little bird alerted me to a strange and curious fact: the September 21, 2010 “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” column is missing from ESPN’s web site. The columns from the 14th and 28th are there, along with all the other ones from this season (as far as I can tell).

This is particularly interesting since that was the concussion column. I’m not willing to suggest that there’s anything nefarious going on here yet; it could just be a glitch with ESPN’s website. But it is odd and worthy of note.

Edited to add: Actually, the column is still on ESPN’s website; it just doesn’t show up in the Easterbrook archives, or the Page 2 listing for September 21st, but you can still get to it by clicking on the direct link. That lends more credence to the theory that it’s a website glitch.

TMQ watch: September 28, 2010.

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

I’m not really feeling the snark this week, for obvious reasons, so let’s just jump into this week’s column.

TMQ believes the 3-4 defense is just a fad, and teams will revert to the 4-3 sooner or later. It takes TMQ 746 words to say this.

Highlight from the stats of the week: “The Lions have lost 22 consecutive road games and now threaten the record of 24 consecutive road losses held by — the Lions.”

Ivelisse is also just kind of okay looking. You know, TMQ used to pick cheerleaders who were not only attractive, but also had some intellectual heft to them. What gives, Gregg?

Sweet and sour plays: Kansas City vs. San Francisco, New England vs. Buffalo (and Tennessee vs. Giants), Pittsburgh vs. Tampa, Buffalo vs. New England again, New Orleans vs. Atlanta, Miami vs. Jets.

NPR no longer stands for anything; it’s just “NPR”, not “National Public Radio”. Same with BP, KFC, ESPN, AARP, etc.

The new Meadowlands stadium is widely hated, according to an unscientific survey of friends of TMQ.

Going back to cheerleaders for a minute, Gregg Easterbrook believes that cheerleaders are being exploited. Not because they’re cheerleaders, or because many of them are scantily clad; no, the problem is that they aren’t being paid for their work. Cheerleaders typically get $50 – $100 per game, and nothing for rehearsals, personal appearances, calender sales, sales of their photos through the NFL.com shop, etc. WCD finds ourselves agreeing with TMQ’s position here; yes, pay the cheerleaders!

Christmas creep. Jersey Bowl. Puzzling plays in the Raiders-Cardinals and Seattle-San Diego games. A ridiculous extended parallel (complete with a quiz, the lazy man’s way of filling column space) between Tom Brady and Samson (the one in the Bible).

Should youth football be banned? TMQ’s answer; don’t let kids under the age of 12 play tackle football.

Devin Hester’s success in returning kicks is due to excellent blocking. And it’s hard to win a game when you accumulate 18 penalties. Ridiculous disclaimer of the week: Bridgestone Tires.

More creep. Crabtree curse. Sparta Trojans. Stop Me Before I Blitz Again!

Yes, Michael Vick looks good, but the teams he’s played against so far have a combined record of 10-28 since 2009.

In concussion related news, TMQ notes that there’s a new kind of mouth guard on the market, which gives a dentist quality fit at a price lower than a dentist fitted guard.

The Colts are back in form. I was hoping we’d be able to get through a season without Colts worship.

Chicken-<salad> punts. Manly-men drives. Wasteful spending on bodyguards (again, Rick Perry makes an appearance).

TMQ is probably the only sports column that would engage in Large Hadron Collider bashing.

Damn! I missed the Indiana University of Pennsylvania – Slippery Rock game! I also missed the Otterbein – Heidleberg game. I wonder if they serve beer at the latter?

College football: style over substance, cupcake watch, chicken-<salad> punts.

Reader comments: Notre Dame and allowing fifth year students to play. Someone else took issue with last week’s comment about Reggie Bush and “nothing ethically wrong”. Counterpoint on military flyovers from a naval aviator. Madden as training tool. NCAA manuals for download. And lots more concussion discussion.

Tune in next week, when we’ll hear TMQ break Ralph Wilson’s balls over the fact that O.J. Simpson’s name is still on the wall of the Buffalo Bills stadium. Really. I’m not making that up.

TMQ watch: September 21, 2010.

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

At last, the concussion column.

WCD comes up with a total of 3,041 words out of a 9,479 word column (or about 32%) devoted to the concussion problem in the NFL. Easterbrook’s points:

  • The incentive structure for coaches at the high school, college, and pro levels is skewed. Coaches benefit by winning games, but aren’t penalized if their players are harmed. WCD actually disagrees somewhat with Easterbrook on this; if a player dies from a heat stroke during practice, for example, you can bet that coach will suffer. (Look at l’affair Mike Leach for another example.) The problem with concussions is that they don’t have immediately visible harmful effects. By the time the damage shows up, the coach has moved on down the road to the next joint, or probably retired.
  • The NFL’s policy on concussions is toothless, as shown by Stewart Bradley. Agreed. Until the NFL starts benching coaches, this policy will be ignored.
  • Football practice needs to be rethought and reformed. The problem with concussion risk is that it may not be just one hit that does the harm, but the cumulative effect of a whole bunch of smaller hits – the kind you get in practice.
  • Better training in recognition and management of concussions, especially at the high school level.
  • Properly fitting mouthguards (as in, fitted by a dentist) should be a requirement at all levels of play.
  • More legislation.
  • Properly fitting helmets. Easterbrook has been pushing concussion reducing helmets for quite a while. WCD doesn’t necessarily think these are a bad idea, but we’d like to see some controlled studies showing these helmets work before making them mandatory. We also wonder if concussion reducing helmets would result in even more risk-taking behavior during tackles. Peltzman effect, anyone?
  • Announcers excessively praise “big hits”. Easterbrook quotes some chilling dialog from MNF, where the three announcers basically minimized the 2008 Eric Smith – Anquan Boldin hit during a game. (Boldin’s jaw had to be surgically rebuilt; Smith was suspended for “flagrant violation of player safety rules”; both sustained concussions.)
  • Testing of players before the season starts, in order to establish a cognitive baseline and track post-concussion recovery, is a good idea. WCD agrees, but wonders: who is going to pay for this? In TMQ’s cited example, the school has an association with a local children’s hospital. Would someone like the Dell Children’s Hospital be willing to do baseline testing for every football player in the Austin Independent School District? And the Round Rock ISD? And the Westlake ISD? What would the per football player cost be? What would the data storage requirements be? Are there privacy concerns that need to be dealt with? (Who would have access to the player’s baseline information, and who would make the decisions?)
  • This is not a point that TMQ makes, but one worth asking about and discussing: would requirements for things like baseline mental testing and concussion-reducing helmets end up pricing football programs in smaller, poorer districts out of existence? If so, would this be a bad thing? Is it okay for poor kids to risk their long-term neurological health because they can’t afford proper protective equipment?
  • It comes as something of a surprise to us, given Easterbrook’s point of view, that he actually expresses some skepticism about the Alan Schwarz profile of Owen Thomas.

(Editor’s note: The last two bullet points were actually pulled from a separate section of TMQ, much lower in the column, “Two More Concussion Points”. In order that readers might better follow the logical flow of Easterbrook’s arguments, we collapsed those points and Easterbrook’s initial arguments into one section.)

We wanted to highlight this “Stat of the Week”: “The Dallas Cowboys have lost both opening games at their new $1.3 billion stadium.”

Serita is just kind of okay looking. We can’t tell for sure, but we suspect she has sharp knees.

Sweet and sour plays. “Stop Me Before I Blitz Again!” highlights the Texans-Redskins game, arguing that Washington blew a comfortable 3rd quarter lead by going blitz-wacky.

Wacky disclaimer: the iTunes store.

Adventures in Officiating: DeSean Jackson, Calvin Johnson, and the catch/no-catch rule. If the former head of NFL officiating can’t understand the rule, isn’t it too complex? And (recurring trope) why is the NFL officiating manual not public?

TMQ on fashion: “Apparently the perfect New York City couple would be a very thin woman in a dress that makes it impossible to walk, squired by a metrosexual wearing a snorkel.”

Adventures in Announcing: exaggerating the blitz (another recurring trope). I’m not sure what Buffalo’s poor draft choices have to do with announcing.

“Maybe It’s Not Such a Good Idea to Cut Your Starting Quarterback on the Eve of the Season”. Arizona, TMQ is looking at you. Also, preposterous punts.

In keeping with TMQ tradition, “The Town” is…wait for it…wait for it…unrealistic! My God! Can we no longer trust Hollywood to give us depictions of reality, like “Casablanca” or “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”? Good work here by Easterbrook, though, in linking to Maggie Lloyd and her article about actual bank robbery statistics. (This has nothing to do with TMQ, but WCD absolutely loved Where the Money Is: True Tales from the Bank Robbery Capital of the World, co-written by a former FBI agent who worked on the bank robbery squad in LA.)

Preposterous punts, college edition. The football gods frown on your shenanigans. Crabtree curse. Manning Bowl. Wasteful spending on bodyguards (special guest appearance: Rick Perry).

Christmas creep.

Malone 69, Anna Maria 0. Citadel 26, Presbyterian 14.

Reggie Bush didn’t do anything “ethically wrong”, he just violated NCAA rules. NCAA rules that he agreed to abide by before playing football for USC. Isn’t there something “ethically wrong” about breaking an agreement? Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson is still in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. That’s the Pro Football Hall of Fame, in Canton, Ohio. Not the “College Football Hall of Fame” (which actually exists, in South Bend, Indiana; yes, O.J. Simpson is in that Hall of Fame as well). While WCD thinks Simpson is a scumbag, we fail to understand the relationship between his conduct (which took place after his retirement from football) and that of Mr. Bush (which took place while he was playing for USC).

Reader comments: East Carolina-Tulsa and deconstruction of the celebration penalty. Thucydides did it first. Cupcakes in I-AA. Michael Caine. And police escorts for PeeWee football teams.

That’s a wrap for this week. Tune in next week, when we’ll hear the tastefully named Gregg Easterbrook complain that “Citizen Kane” is an unrealistic portrayal of a media tycoon’s life.

TMQ watch: September 14, 2010.

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

I figured there were two ways Easterbrook could have started off this week’s TMQ: Stewart Bradley’s concussion, or the Texans beating the Colts. Easterbrook went with the Texans, predicting the end of the world if they beat Indy on November 1st. This kind of shocks me; TMQ spent much of last season hammering the NFL for not doing enough to prevent head injuries. And justly so, in my opinion. But is TMQ abandoning that crusade this year? If so, why?

In another recurring trope, Easterbrook predicts that one of the teams not appearing on “Monday Night Football” this year – Bills, Browns, Bucs, Panthers, Raiders, Rams and Seahawks – will win the Super Bowl. Easterbrook has been right about this three times in 11 years, or about 27% of the time.

Recurring trope #2: the “preposterous punt”, in this case the Vikings punting on 4th and 3 from midfield against the Saints, “a mere half-hour into the 2010 NFL season”.

The cheerleader of the week returns! Excellent! Photo too small, but links make up for it.

Also returning: the sweet and sour plays of the week. (Ravens/jets, Oakland/Titans, James Madison/Virginia Tech, Cleveland/Tampa, New England/Bengals.)

Easterbrook has, for some inexplicable reason, been hammering on the idea that gamma ray bursts are actually the signature of cosmic doomsday weapons belonging to advanced civilizations. TMQ cites a Discover article that “presents slight support for the TMQ conjecture, or at least, fails to falsify the idea”. From the article (actually, a blog entry): “This is a fun notion to mull over, but unlikely nevertheless. It’s inconceivable that any civilization could generate artificially the colossal energies associated with GRBs.

Easterbrook also thinks that this year’s biggest literary fraud may not be The Last Train from Hiroshima, but…Tony Blair’s biography? As usual, publishers don’t bother to do any verification, they don’t care about the truth of the non-fiction books they publish, etc. etc.

Michael Crabtree has been a curse for the 49ers.

TMQ argues that the suspension of A.J. Green for selling one of his own jerseys, while Georgia makes money hand over fist selling replica jerseys, is just the latest example of the hypocrisy of college sports. WCD agrees that the NCAA’s focus on minor misdemeanors is excessive, and would argue that eliminating college sports is one of the best things that could happen to education. But WCD questions whether this is an example of an athlete like Green getting caught by an obscure and stupid NCAA rule, or deliberately and knowingly breaking an established rule. In a similar vein, TMQ argues that Princeton should be allowed to slide (a tennis player had part of their tuition paid by an “adult friend”) on the basis that the person who paid was a longtime friend of the student”. So how long term a friend do you have to be before TMQ thinks it is okay? One year? Four years?

TMQ’s obsession with excessive blitzing, and excessive calling of normal plays “blitzing”, returns this week as well. Welcome back, “Stop Me Before I Blitz Again!” We missed you.

Easterbrook objects to Tiffany, Gucci, Brooks Brothers, Chanel, and other high end retailers taking out 9/11 memorial ads.

More cheerleaders! More links to photos!

More chicken-<salad> punts and field goal attempts.

Bonus Slauson Cutoff reference!

TMQ continues its obsession with building planetary asteroid defense mechanisms. While WCD agrees that an asteroid strike would be devastating, we question the actual odds of such a thing, and whether the cost justifies the risk.

Christmas creep.

Football Outsiders is now football insiders, having signed deals with the WP, ESPN, and NYT.

“Helen Mirren trades her fake crown for a fake assault rifle in the upcoming action flick ‘Red.'” Actually, Gregg, I believe I’d call that a submachine gun, not an assault rifle.

TMQ is testing a new prediction method, called The Davis Postulate: “Existing Trends Continue; If Trends Same, Home Team Wins.” This replaces the previous “Transformed Isaacson-Tarbell Postulate”, in which week 1 and 17 games are picked by thinking; the rest of the time, the rule “Best Record Wins Unless Records Equal, Then Home Team Wins” is used.

More creep.

“Adventures in Officiating”, but nothing to say about Detroit. Lots to say about the stupid celebration penalty, though.

Towson 47, Coastal Carolina 45. RPI 6, Endicott 3. Fear the wrath of the cupcakes.

Why do college football teams need police escorts? This is sort of a recap of a TMQ trope that got hammered into the ground last year; excessive usage of police escorts and bodyguards for elected officials. Not that we disagree with TMQ’s point, but it got a little old last season.

That’s a wrap for the first week of the season. No trailer; I suspect either TMQ or ESPN dropped that idea.

Tune in next week when we’ll hear Gregg Easterbrook say, “TMQ wrote the words ‘game over’ in his notebook.”

TMQ watch: September 7, 2010.

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

This week, haiku. And for the second week in a row, no “TMQ Trailer”.

TMQ Watch is not going to re-type all of Easterbrook’s haiku, as that would be unfair to Easterbrook and ESPN. Nor are we going to write our own responses in haiku; one of WCD’s limitations (“A man’s got to know his limitations.“) is a total inability to write haiku.

Easing our toe into the waters…

  • Ah, the revenge of the cupcakes, another recurring trope. Even better from TMQ’s point of view, the Jacksonville State turnaround began with an interception caused by Ole Miss trying to run up the score. “The football gods punish this sort of thing.” And thus the football gods make their first appearance this season in TMQ.
  • Scantily clad Ukrainian cheer babes. Photo too small.
  • Whenever TMQ says, “Tuesday Morning Quarterback long has maintained…”, yeah, that’s a trope. In this case, TMQ argues that year-to-year athletic scholarships hurt athletes, by leading to a focus on athletics over education, and may constitute “restraint of trade” according to the Justice Department.
  • Creep.
  • 335 pound linemen. Noted as another example of a recurring trope.
  • Why does the media love a good oil spill? TMQ thinks it could have something to do with the $200 million BP has spent on “image advertising”.
  • Haynesworth.
  • TMQ bashes the NYT; in this case, the paper of record acts like David Romer’s “go for it on 4th down” paper is new, when it was covered by people like the Washington Monthly and TMQ in 2006.

    In the same package, the Times asks why, if going for it, kicking onside and deuce tries make sense, NFL coaches rarely attempt these stratagems. The answer the Times proposes — that coaches don’t want to be blamed for failed gambles — is a running theme of Tuesday Morning Quarterback. I’ve even been saying this for 10 years, since this column began on Slate.com, which was then a radical innovation on that new Interweb thing.

    Not just a trope, but a trope Easterbrook admits to!

  • Easterbrook complains about the recent glut of hitman movies, and the glamorization of violence. Again.
  • Technology has made the study of game films much easier, resulting in game film study trickling down to the high school level and below.
  • Hurrah for one of my personal favorite TMQ tropes, the obscure college score of the week!
  • Quoted without comment: “[Sports commentators] have a snug image of what’s “supposed” to happen, and don’t take kindly to original thinking.”
  • Christmas creep.
  • After last year’s minimum wage increase, Easterbrook suggested that this would be a test of the relationship between higher minimum wages and unemployment. If unemployment went up, that would be evidence for the proposition; if it went down, that would be evidence against. The end result so far? Unemployment remains constant at 9.5 percent. It would have been interesting to see Easterbrook break out the figures by age group; has unemployment among teens increased?
  • Reader comments: objections to characterizing Dallas as a non-neutral site for the Texas-OU game, discussion of cupcake games pro and con, the 18-game season as bargaining chip, and getting shot hurts.

Next week, the start of the season, and Easterbrook steps up his game. We hope.

    TMQ watch: August 31, 2010.

    Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

    Last week, the AFC. This week, the NFC.

    I’d start out by discussing Monday’s TMQ Trailer, as I’ve been doing; oddly, though, there does not seem to have been a TMQ Trailer this week. (If there was one, it does not show on Page 2, or in the Easterbrook archives.)

    Before I jump into the meat of Easterbrook’s column, I’d like to note two things about TMQ Watch:

    1. TMQ Watch is not intended to be a substitute for reading TMQ. Easterbrook is a much better writer than I am, and I strongly encourage you to read his columns, not just my filtered summaries of them. The intent of TMQ Watch is to highlight recurring themes and tropes in TMQ, to call out things in TMQ that I believe are wrong or mistaken, and to provide a different point of view in places where I disagree with Easterbrook’s positions.
    2. There does not appear to be any place on the web that currently hosts discussions of Easterbrook’s columns (the great Football Outsiders did for a while, but does not currently) so I welcome discussions and responses to TMQ, or TMQ Watch, here. Please note that comments are moderated, and will be approved as my time permits. Also, if someone wants to start a “TMQ Watch” Watch (like WikiLeakiLeaks) I promise you a link on my blogroll (as long as your blog isn’t a spam blog).

    So let’s rumble.

    Another TMQ trope is complaining about college football powerhouses scheduling weak opponents, such as UT vs. Rice  (Easterbrook calls these “cupcake” games). With the college season starting on Thursday, Easterbrook drags this one out of the closet like a Neru jacket and tries it on; behold, it still fits!

    TMQ is in favor of dumping two preseason games, but opposed to an 18 game season;  Easterbrook believes that an 18 game season will “dilute the product”.  “Plus an 18-game season would mean either starting the NFL regular season before Labor Day or holding the Super Bowl after Valentine’s Day.” And that would be bad…because? Once again, he trots out the “there is no law of nature that says the NFL must remain so popular” trope.

    Team by team breakdown:

    • Arizona: Maybe they’ll develop a balanced attack and become less “pass whacky” (an Easterbrook coinage). And hey, TMQ may have been wrong about Matt Leinart. I’d love to laugh at TMQ’s admission about Leinart..but, well, I think a lot of other people were wrong, too, including me.
    • Atlanta: “If the Saints can win the Super Bowl, why can’t the long-suffering Falcons, too?” Long-suffering Houston football fans are welcome to respond in the comments.
    • Carolina: Once they dumped Delhomme, they went 4-1. Could they be even better in 2010?
    • Easterbrook is now writing a regular column for Reuters. I’m not going to be blogging that, unless he says something noteworthy; I’m RUNNING OUT OF TIME! Seriously, I don’t have time to blog this column as well, but I’d love to see someone like Battleswarm take it on.
    • Chicago: Easterbrook invokes another trope, exaggerated NFL deals, in the case of Julius Peppers. Peppers supposedly signed a “six year, $92 million” deal, but since the contract is heavily loaded on the back end, it is unlikely he’ll see the full $92 million; depending on who you talk to, he could get $20 million to $42 million. In any case, this makes him nearly as overpaid as Albert Haynesworth. And why isn’t Devin Hester returning kicks?
    • We still haven’t given up on the Christmas Creep.
    • Was it really worth the taxpayer money that was spent to investigate whether the governor of New York took free World Series tickets? Easterbrook says no; I’d argue that there’s something to be said for truth and honesty in government, even in seemingly small things like World Series tickets.
    • Speaking of RUNNING OUT OF TIME, Easterbrook’s substitute for complaining about scientific implausibility in SF television shows this week is…complaining that people don’t react realistically to being shot in movies and television. (See, for example, Jack Bauer.)
      “Hollywood sells violence, violence, violence — and then with movie stars, people the public empathizes with, suggests: Hey, bullets don’t really do any harm, you’ll be fine 20 minutes later. So fire away!” Complaining about movie and television violence is another Easterbrook trope, and one that’s gotten him into trouble previously.
      He may be right about Cop Land; I missed that when it was in theatrical release, although I was curious about it. At some point, I’ll have to catch up with it on DVD.
    • Dallas: December collapse, Wade Phillips is 1-5 in the post season, would you pay 1.8 billion dollars for the Cowboys?
    • Another recurring trope: the wacky disclaimer (this time for Comcast’s file backup service) and the word count comparison to the United States Constitution. For the record, I come up with a word count of 8,761 words (which I believe includes some photo captions; this seems fair to me, as I think Easterbrook writes those as well) in this week’s column; this site gives a total word count for the US Constitution of 4,400 words. So Easterbrook nearly doubles the word count of the founding document of the United States to discuss one week of events in a sport that hasn’t even started yet. (Isn’t turnabout fun? For the record, this blog entry comes in at 1,380 words.)
    • Detroit: Ndamukong Suh should have won the Heisman. The fact that he didn’t means “linemen simply are not eligible for the Heisman” and “the award should be renamed the Heisman Trophy for the Running Back or Quarterback Who Receives the Most Publicity.” (Yet another Easterbrook trope; linemen don’t get enough credit, especially at Heisman time.) “There’s a sense of optimism around the Lions.” I’d be optimistic too, if I had no place to go but up.
    • More kickoff specialists, fewer punters, please.
    • Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers is already a better deal for the Packers than keeping Brett Farve around would have been. That sound you heard was Peter King’s head exploding.
    • Giants (aka Jersey/A in the TMQ World): Since they won the Super Bowl, the Giants have looked like just another football team. And people in New York can’t stand that. Not exactly a TMQ trope, but Easterbrook here sure sounds an awful lot like Mike the Musicologist (who did a several year bit in New York attending grad school, and speaks of it in the same terms Marines use for their time in ‘Nam).
    • More creep.
    • Vikings: Farve the Farve. Farve farve farve. Farve! (If you’ve never seen the original Malkovich Mediator, it’s here.)
    • Saints: Doomed. Drew Brees is on the cover of Madden. Doomed. Also, stuff about taxes and the Saints getting a sweetheart deal from the state of Louisana. Corruption? In Louisana? Shocked, I am, shocked! I’m reminded of something Calvin Trillin quoted once: “The only important question about any public project in [Louisana] is: who’s writing the insurance?”
    • Eagles: Listless and stale the past two seasons. Maybe the offseason purge will help. I’m surprised that Easterbrook didn’t invoke another of his tropes; that the Football Gods are punishing the team, in this case for signing Michael Vick.
    • Rams: “Where is the players’ self-respect?”
    • San Francisco: Lousy team in a very weak division. Easterbrook, to his praise, has some interesting stuff about why the team is moving to a new stadium in Santa Clara.
    • Seattle: Pete Carroll is a cheater.
    • Tampa: Good special teams, and that’s about it.
    • Washington: Seven head coaches, eleven starting quarterbacks, and nine offensive coordinators in the eleven years “Chainsaw Dan Snyder” (trope!) has owned the team. Don’t look for McNabb to save them; his team in Philadelphia was much better than this one. “In his official photo, Shanahan looks like someone auditioning for a reality show about people who think they are Napoleon.” I was going to make fun of Easterbrook for this comment, but…damn, he’s right!
      Also, more Haynesworth bashing.
    • Reader comments: Easterbrook is wrong when it comes to killing.

    And thus we come to the end of this week’s TMQ Watch. Next week: season predictions in haiku. I haven’t made up my mind yet whether I’m going to give TMQ a hard time for not including seasonal references in his haiku. (No, I’m sorry, the fact that they’re all about football does not, in and of itself, constitute a seasonal reference.)

    TMQ watch: August 24, 2010.

    Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

    So what does the tastefully named Gregg Easterbrook have for us in this, the second week of our TMQ Watch?

    Let’s start with Monday’s “TMQ Preview”, “NFL shouldn’t take fans for granted“, in which he shows off another common TMQ trope: “…there is no law of nature that says the NFL must always be so popular.” Easterbrook’s point (unlike food and shelter, the NFL is an optional commodity) is hard to argue with, since it’s so obvious. However, his discussion of the ticket sales problems the Jets and Giants are having is enlightening; also noteworthy is his report that naming rights to their new stadium remain unsold. I would be a lot happier, though, if Easterbrook would provide sources for these reports.

    Moving on to today’s TMQ, Easterbrook’s AFC preview:

    • Another Easterbrook trope is the increasing size of NFL linemen. This week, he argues that because linemen are getting increasingly larger, the running game is becoming less important. Easterbrook points out that the two best teams in the AFC last season (San Diego and Indy) were 31st and 32nd overall (respectively) in rushing, and that the Eagles offensive line starters this year average 342 pounds. (But what’s the mean? And the standard deviation?)
    • Terrell Suggs and his $39 million guaranteed contract was as bigger, or bigger, a waste of money as Albert Haynesworth’s $32 million. And the Ravens “look stacked” this season.
    • The Bills suffer from awful drafting and lousy coaches. Can Chan Gailey make the Bills better? Can Trent Edwards? TMQ seems cautiously optimistic about Chan Gailey, and pessimistic about Trent Edwards. WCD has no hope for either one.
    • The Bengals – Jets game on Thanksgiving night could define the Bengals season. And Chad Ochocinco gives good Twitter.
    • Gregg Easterbrook works so you don’t have to. Specifically, he added up the number of scantily clad women in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
    • The Browns must have been smoking a very bad grade of crack to trade for Jake Delhomme and give him $7 million, guaranteed.
    • Denver is in chaos, for the second season in a row. And the Broncos cheerleaders charge a $3,500 appearance fee (for five cheerleaders for two hours).
    • Ah, Texans, my Texans. What does Gregg say? “…the Texans are not a mature winning team.” Can’t argue too much with that.
    • Easterbrook uses the Colts (once again) to kick around (once again) the argument that teams that have clinched playoff berths should keep trying to win, even if the wins are meaningless overall.
    • Jacksonville hasn’t got much return for the draft choices they’ve used on offensive and defensive linesmen.
    • “When you lose at home in consecutive weeks to Buffalo and Cleveland, as the Flintstone did in 2009, you are an awful team.” Just in case the 4-12 finish in 2007, the 2-14 finish in 2008, and the 4-12 finish in 2009 hadn’t clued you in on that already.
    • Paraphrasing Easterbrook, if people have a problem with the Ground Zero mosque, why don’t they have a problem with the Pentagon mosque?
    • The Jets recent drafts have placed an emphasis on “”skinny glory boys” over linesmen, probably so the Jets could sell personal seat licenses in the new stadium. How’s that working for them? Oh, yeah…
    • The Dolphins need to try something other than the Wildcat.
    • Easterbrook plugs Tim Layden’s Blood, Sweat, and Chalk, a history of football tactics. This is a little deeper into football than I like to go, but if it sounds possibly up your alley, click over and read Easterbrook’s review.
    • Nope, he still hasn’t given up on the creep watch.
    • New England is aging. And while they’ve traded for a lot of lower round draft picks, many of their choices haven’t worked out.
    • The Raiders are still going to stink.
    • “It’s likely that on opening day, only four Pittsburgh offensive starters will be the same players who started that Super Bowl — just 18 months ago.”
    • Ah, I see Easterbrook has taken note of The Last Train To Hiroshima. This has been covered by some other folks, too, way back when.
    • Why do the Chargers fold in the playoffs? Could it be the San Diego lifestyle? A lack of mental toughness?
    • The Titans have coaching stability. But they haven’t won a Super Bowl.
    • Ah, good. Easterbrook’s running reader comments. Most of this week’s comments are examples of games where the result was overturned (or otherwise changed) due to gross officiating errors.
    • Thank God for Easterbrook’s coverage of the Arena Football League! Otherwise I wouldn’t have known they were still playing! Seriously, I thought the AFL folded two years ago.

    That’s it for this week, folks. Two weeks into this year’s columns, and Easterbrook hasn’t come up with anything I can argue with him about. The season is still young, though. Try the veal, and remember to tip your waitress.

    TMQ watch: August 17, 2010.

    Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

    That is, the start of football season. (Yes, the loser update will return this year.)

    And with the start of football season comes the return of the tastefully named Gregg Easterbrook and his “Tuesday Morning Quarterback” column for ESPN.

    Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy Easterbrook’s column. I’ve been reading it since he was over at Slate, and find it to be one of the high points of my week during the period it runs. But I’ve been thinking for a while now that someone needs to highlight and respond to various things in TMQ.

    Sometimes, Easterbrook does good work; he spent much of last season discussing the NFL’s response to head trauma among pro athletes, and I felt he was right on target. Sometimes, he uses his column to argue for things like increased Federal vehicle mileage requirements, and I think someone needs to respond to those arguments. Sometimes, he uses his column to go off on various SF TV shows for their lack of plausibility. And sometimes, Easterbrook just goes completely off the damn rails.

    So I’m introducing the “Tuesday Morning Quarterback Watch”, to highlight when the man’s right, when I think he’s wrong, when I think he’s completely nuts, and some of Easterbrook’s odd obsessions.

    In today’s TMQ:

    • Easterbrook argues that the outcomes of sporting events should never be reversed, except if an incorrect call occurs on the final play and a correct call would have resulted in a win for the opposing team. I haven’t heard anyone seriously argue a different viewpoint; I highlight this because I’m wondering if it will be one of his obsessions this season.
    • Wacky food and/or drink? Check. In this case, the Friendly’s cheeseburger served between two grilled cheese sandwiches. “At this restaurant, a lunch of Loaded Waffle Fries, Buffalo Chicken Supermelt and a milkshake weighs in at 3,670 calories.” I’m pretty dubious than anyone would order all three of those and try to eat them solo (though I will admit, that Buffalo Chicken Supermelt by itself doesn’t look terribly healthy). And do you really expect healthy food at a place with the slogan “Where ice cream makes the meal”?
    • “How long until babe spy Anna Chapman signs to play Natasha Fatale in a big-budget remake of “Rocky & Bullwinkle”?” Well, Gregg (can I call you “Gregg”?), given the utter failure of the last big-budget “Rocky and Bullwinkle” remake, I’m going to suggest that you look for this around the same time as David Letterman’s “Cold Day in Hell Special”.
    • Easterbrook kicks LeBron James around, but curiously, not ESPN for broadcasting the fiasco.
    • Easterbrook spends 699 words out of an 8,748 word column (about 8%) recapping NYT corrections from the NFL off season. Not sports related corrections; just NYT corrections in general. Dear Mr. Easterbrook; have you ever heard of “Regret the Error“? Or “The NYTPicker“?
    • Easterbrook finds an excuse to run a swimsuit photo of an attractive woman. No complaints here…
    • Easterbrook kicks Robert Byrd around some more.
    • Weasel coach bashing? Check.
    • Easterbrook kicks Al and Tipper Gore around some more. I would have held off on the “Al listens to rap music” joke, Gregg; the Onion beat you to it, and did it better.
    • Obligatory bashing of SF television shows? Check.
    • Wacky lawsuits? Check. I’ll give Easterbrook this: he may lean to the left politically, but he isn’t a blind liberal hack.
    • Easterbrook keeps threatening to retire the “Christmas Creep” watch, but hasn’t yet.

    We’re fairly early into the NFL and TMQ season. So far, I haven’t detected any trends, but we’ll see how things go.

    Oh, almost forgot! In addition to the normal TMQ column, we now have…the TMQ Trailer on Monday! How swell is that? For his first outing, Easterbrook uses the failure of JaMarcus Russell (“Ryan Leaf can relax — JaMarcus Russell has replaced him as the worst draft bust.” Can’t argue too much with that, Gregg.) as a jumping off point to “reimagine” the 2007 NFL draft, based on what we know now. I’m not sure what the point of this exercise is, except to highlight another Easterbrook trope (first-round draft choices, especially quarterbacks, are often overrated; most teams would be better served trading down to get second or third round choices) but it is mildly diverting.