Archive for the ‘Bagatelle’ Category
“Do you like…pancakes?”
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have…
Thursday, December 3rd, 2020Quote of the day.
Thursday, November 5th, 2020–Judge Learned Hand, Speech to the Board of Regents of the University of the State of New York, October 24, 1952.
Oddly enough, that quote popped up on this morning’s “Perry Mason” episode.
I’m thinking, if you held a gun to my head and asked me to pick a favorite judge, it would be Learned Hand. I feel like I should apologize to Judge Willett for that, but I also have a feeling that if he heard me say that, he’d agree Learned Hand is a good choice.
Ask not for whom the (Blue) Bell tolls…
Thursday, October 22nd, 2020Shot:
Blue Bell releases two holiday flavors: Christmas Cookies and Peppermint
Chaser:
The former president of Blue Bell Creameries has been charged with wire fraud for allegedly trying to cover up a 2015 listeria outbreak linked to the company’s ice cream that killed three people in Kansas and sickened several others, federal prosecutors announced Wednesday.
A federal grand jury in Austin returned a seven-count indictment Tuesday charging Paul Kruse with six counts of wire fraud and one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud, according to a Justice Department statement.
(I like my Blue Bell. But they sure burned through a lot of goodwill with the whole listeria thing.)
2020 is a target rich environment.
Sunday, September 13th, 2020For that reason, I don’t want to say this is the stupidest thing I’ve seen this year, as I’m sure that if I apply myself, I can come up with stupider things. Also, if I do say it is the stupidest thing I’ve seen this year, Lawrence, Mike the Musicologist, or both will provide me with at least 10 stupider things.
That said, I still think this is pretty stupid.
“Mean Girls” themed toaster strudel. Yes, I’ve never seen “Mean Girls”, yes, I do get the fact that it is a reference, but themed pastry for a 16 year old movie? Here’s an idea: an all-black toaster pastry with slightly off-white icing that you can use to draw Stonehenge.
Things I enthusiastically and wholeheartedly agree with.
Wednesday, August 26th, 2020The first two panels of today’s “Dinosaur Comics”. Having extensively studied listened to the first 112 or so episodes of “The History Of Rome”, I am confident in stating that the decline and fall of the Roman Empire began when the Empire proscribed setting off fireworks whenever you felt like it.
All of this Babylon Bee op-ed. (Hattip: MtM.) Yes, I am aware that they are a satire site, but everything in that piece is correct: everything did start going downhill when men stopped wearing hats.
“The best thing about kids’ soccer being canceled this year”. Although I quibble slightly with this: the best thing about kids soccer being cancelled isn’t the renewed socialization, it is the fact that kids aren’t playing soccer.
Quote of the day.
Saturday, April 25th, 2020Apropos of nothing in particular:
“If you were against the New Deal and its wholesale buying of pauper votes, then you were against Christian charity. If you were against the gross injustices and dishonesties of the Wagner Labor Act, then you were against labor. If you were against packing the Supreme Court, then you were in favor of letting Wall Street do it. If you are against using Dr. Quack’s cancer salve, then you are in favor of letting Uncle Julius die. If you are against Holy Church, or Christian Science, then you are against god. It is an old, old argument.”
–H.L. Mencken
Tiger, tiger, burning bright…
Monday, April 6th, 2020(Apologies to the tiger, the Bronx Zoo, and William Blake.)
Bagatelle (#13)
Saturday, August 10th, 2019Every now and then, I see a story in one of the papers and think to myself, “Dick Wolf’s going to get an episode of ‘Law and Order: Kinky Sex Crimes’ out of this one.”
Today is the first time I’ve ever thought “Dick Wolf’s going to get an entire season of ‘L&O:KSC’ out of this story.”
Bagatelle (#12)
Friday, May 17th, 2019With the Preakness Stakes running this weekend, I got to wondering:
The iconic cocktail of the Kentucky Derby is a mint julep, right? What’s the iconic cocktail of the Preakness? And the Belmont?
Since the Preakness is run in Baltimore (for now) I would have expected the iconic cocktail to be heroin. Or a 40 in a brown paper bag.
According to Wikipedia, the source of all vaguely accurate information, I may not have been too far off. Until 2009, the race was “bring your own booze”, “formerly including kegs of beer but in the 2000s restricted to all the beer cans a person could carry in a cooler.” After 2009, something called “InfieldFest” was established, where you could buy a beer mug with unlimited refills.
But there is an official cocktail: the Black-Eyed Susan, “made with vodka, St-Germain liqueur and pineapple, lime and orange juices.” Here’s a 2018 article from Newsweek that calls for “one part bourbon, one part vodka, one part peach schnapps, two parts orange juice and two parts sour mix”, shaken with ice and served over crushed ice “with an orange wedge and cherries for garnish”. Newsweek also links to recipes from “US Racing” and the Washington Post if you want to descend down that rabbit hole.
And the Belmont Stakes? Recent history is troubled. It appears that up until 1997, the official drink was something called the “White Carnation“. In 1997, the official drink changed to the “Belmont Breeze“. That, in turn, got replaced by the “Belmont Jewel” in 2011, which at least has the virtue of simplicity.
Tragically, I have plans for Saturday, so I can’t drink my way through the Preakness. But my readers are welcome to, if they wish. Just don’t drink and race: your horse might hit a bump and spill your drink.
A small silly diversion.
Wednesday, April 17th, 2019Lawrence stated the other night that you can Google DuckDuckGo “Florida Man” and any combination of words and almost be guaranteed you’ll get some results back.
Here is a perfect example of that theory:
Florida man arrested after aggressively eating handfuls of pasta
No, you are not having a stroke. Yes, that is an actual headline, though the gentleman in question was actually arrested for (quel frommage!) being drunk and disorderly in public and resisting arrest. To the best of my knowledge, the eating of pasta – even in an aggressive fashion – is not an actual crime in Florida. Yet.
In other news of the weird:
Man in monkey mask stole mail from Southwest Austin apartments, police say
Moral of this story: don’t mess with the postal inspectors. They got his fingerprints off light bulbs, and…
“The Man in the Monkey Mask” was also one of Dumas’s less successful works.
Headline of the day.
Wednesday, February 6th, 2019Autopsy: Man died of meth overdose before being eaten by bear at national park
Drugs are bad, kids. Mm’kay?