“He’s from Texas, honey,” I yelled at the television, startling the cats, “That’s not ‘armed’, that’s ‘dressed’, you island-dwelling herbivore!”
Jesus, you cud-chewing Eloi, how do you people open packages? With your teeth, like an animal?
–Tam
(As a Texan who doesn’t leave the house without at least two knives, including one Spyderco, I resemble this remark. Also, I have no joke here: I just like saying “like an animal“.)